Tiffeny Town |

February 25, 2021February 25, 2021

Get Your Financial House in Order

In my last blog post, I talked about your money mindset and how money is simply energy.

The energy you give to money is what you will get back.

If you come from a place of lack, then you will never have enough.

Creating that awareness about your beliefs about money is so important, especially when we talk about debt because your debt is a reflection of your money mindset and beliefs about money.

It is also a reflection of your life.

I bet you aren’t just in debt financially, but also in other areas of your life.

I know this because I have been there.

MY JOURNEY

During my first marriage, my husband had trouble holding down a job but had NO trouble spending all of the money.

We shared an account and he would spend so much sometimes that our mortgage payment would bounce.

He never had any regard for the things that needed to be paid when it came to what he wanted.

And worst of all, there was never any communication about what he was buying until after it was done.

This left me scrambling to figure out how to make ends meet, which in turn, caused me to rack up more debt on my credit cards.

This took a toll on my mental and physical health.

This also was the catalyst in my journey with anxiety and depression.

I had no idea that my relationship with money was so negative and had impacted me so deeply the way that it had.

So, we had to file bankruptcy and soon after that, ended up divorcing.

Tell me if this sounds familiar.

You work a job and you work hard, living paycheck to paycheck.

You want more, and so you start to stress about how you are going to get more money.

Then something happens…a big financial blow.

You then have to take out credit in order to cover the cost.

Now, your already stretched paycheck, which is barely enough to get by, has to now be allocated to pay toward your new debt.

Then, something spectacular happens…you qualify for a credit card because of the credit you took out for that financial blow.

So you get the credit card and tell yourself it’s for emergencies only.

And now, you don’t have enough money from your paycheck because you have your existing expenses and you are paying off that financial blow.

So you start using the credit card.

Now, you are so stressed and overwhelmed that you start to panic and look for other ways to earn money.

You start working another one or two jobs.

You start to feel better about your financial situation.

But now you are completely exhausted, still overwhelmed, and it’s starting to affect your mental and physical health and your relationships.

And now, you are stuck and have no idea how you are going to get out.

This was me, ladies!

I had so much debt that I actually had to file bankruptcy right before my first marriage ended.

And after that, I promised myself that I would NEVER allow myself to get to that point again.

And it took some work.

I needed to figure out a way to keep myself from repeating the same pattern.

Then, I met my new husband and I was terrified of going down that same path.

He is nothing like my first husband.

But I was still holding onto that fear.

I made it clear to him that I would never again spend my relationship fighting and worrying about my financial situation.

He was in 100% agreement so we decided that we would keep separate bank accounts but contribute equally to our household every month.

Still to this day, after 13 years, we still have our own accounts and a house account that we contribute to for the monthly bills.

We consult each other on all of the big purchases and support each other in getting the things that we want.

We don’t fight about money…EVER!

Recovering from bankruptcy was a long road but during that time I really started to work on my relationship with money.

I also learned how to create a budget because knowing how you are spending your money is a key tool in eliminating and keeping your debt under control.

I still have debt, but it is minimal.

In fact, I only have 2 credit cards and one line of credit.

Both credit cards are paid off monthly (one a personal card and one is for my business).

The line of credit has 6 months interest free for my purchases so I pay that off as quick as I can before the 6 months and ONLY use it for bigger purchases for my business such as training courses and such.

My house is the only debt I carry.

I can also contribute monthly to my 401k and my savings account.

I can confidently say that I have my financial house in order.

And I want to share with you how you can get your financial house in order which, in turn, will relieve some stress and that overwhelm.

GET YOUR FINANCIAL HOUSE IN ORDER

First things first.

You need to get clear on where your money goes and what your debt actually is.

If you are like I was, I avoided this at all costs because it would cause me so much anxiety to even think about it, so I just paid things as they came in and wished for that big money bag to drop out of the sky.

So, I created a budget and a plan.

This is my step-by-step plan:

Make a list of ALL of your monthly expenses, when they are due, and how they are paid (you may have some things that recur on a credit card so include those as well).
- This step will tell you where your money is going every month.
- This is your budget and should be reviewed monthly.
Make a list of all of your debt (this includes car notes, credit cards, loans, etc.) including the total balance, minimum due, how much you actually pay per month, and the interest rates.
Write down your TAKE HOME pay. The actual money you have coming in each month.
Take your monthly expenses (don’t forget gas, groceries, gym memberships, etc.) and subtract it from the money you are bringing in.
- This tells you how much money you have leftover (don’t worry if it isn’t very much because this process does not create any added expense to you).
Now, look at your monthly expenses. What can you eliminate?
- That daily coffee run-you can make coffee at home.
- That gym membership-you can work out at home.
- Cable-look into more affordable streaming options.
- How much did you eliminate? This money will be used to pay off your debt.
Next, look at your debt. What can you pay off first?
- If you have several credit cards, STOP using them. GET RID OF THEM AND CANCEL THEM! I know I had every retail credit card as well as 3 major credit cards. You don’t need these!
- Retail credit cards tend to carry the highest interest rates so those definitely need to go first.
- Once you start to pay these off, you will notice your mindset start to shift and you will feel a sense of control and accomplishment.
Once you pay one of those off, you take THAT money and add it to the money you are paying on one of the others so that you are paying more toward one than you previously were.
- This way you will not be paying anything more out month-to-month
- When that next one is paid off, move the next debt item and use the TOTAL amount you were paying to pay off the previous 2 and apply to the third.
Then, rinse and repeat until all of it is paid.

And that’s it!

The key here is to NOT incur more debt as you go so you MUST stop using the credit cards, lines of credit, etc. during the process.

When this is all said and done, you can now start putting the money you were paying toward your debt into savings so that you have nest egg for when the next financial blow happens and you won’t have to repeat the same cycle.

The hardest about all of this is being comfortable with feeling uncomfortable about what is really happening in your financial house.

It’s really simple, but it won’t be easy, and I am here for you.

Remember your money affirmations and your money gratitude I talked about during the entire process because this will keep you in a higher, resonating state so that you can attract everything you desire.

You need to keep that money energy flow moving in a positive direction.

If you would like some help getting your financial house in order, I am happy to help you get started.

My goal is to help you eliminate that stress and overwhelm so that you can have all of the abundance money brings.

February 17, 2021February 17, 2021

Money Mindset-Your Relationship with Money

This post is all about MONEY and your relationship with it.

This is so important because your relationship with money is one thing that is going to determine how much money you actually have and receive.

If you don’t have the right mindset about money and you are trying like crazy to attract it, you are only going to do the opposite. PUSH IT AWAY!

Our relationship with money is something that can make us very wealthy, or keep us wishing we had more.

You need to understand. While the physical appearance of money is in paper or metal form, it is truly just energy. The energy we give to the money is the energy we are going to get in return.

If your mindset around money is coming from a place of lack, you are always going to lack money.

Here is an example: I wish I had enough money to retire from my job, but that will never happen so I am doomed to work until I die.

Wow, just saying that made me feel a ton of negative energy.

Another example: I can’t seem to earn enough money from my business so I guess that means I shut down shop and give up.

If you are someone who has this negative way of thinking about money, you are only going to be successful at repelling money.

So how do we change our mindset?

It starts with awareness and our beliefs about money.

I know for me, my beliefs about money started before I was even born because my mother had a horrible mindset around money. As I grew, I grew into that same mindset.

So in this session, we are going to explore your beliefs around money and get it all out on the table so that you can start to shift out of a place of lack and into a place of abundance!

The first thing I want you to do is a short visualization exercise.

This is going to really bring forward what your underlying subconscious thoughts are about money.

So. Get comfortable and relax.

Close your eyes and breath in through your nose, and out through your mouth.

Focus on your breath.

Start to feel the calmness entering your body.

Keep breathing.

Now, I want you to visualize money.

I want you to allow your thoughts around money to come forward.

Don’t fight them.

What thoughts and emotions are you feeling? Are they negative? Are they positive?

Keep breathing.

Now, I want you to picture those negative thoughts and feelings that are actually leaving your body.

A black cloud is releasing into the universe.

When you start to feel empty.

Now start to visualize your life as if you had all the money you desire.

What does that look like?

What does a typical day look like for you?

What clothes are you wearing?

What care are you driving?

What does your home look like?

Now, write down what came up.

What beliefs or feelings came to the surface?

If you have negative, beliefs, be sure to note them because you will be doing some reframing for homework.

Let’s talk a little bit about gratitude.

Next to love, gratitude is the utmost positive energy source you can put out there.

By showing gratitude, you are naturally operating in a higher state of consciousness and are opening up to receive.

There are several ways you can show gratitude for money.

Saying thank you to money every time it shows up.

Saying thank you for all of the things you have because of money.

Write a letter to money expressing gratitude and what it has brought to you and what it will bring to you.

You should practice this gratitude every day, all day. And not just with money because the more you are practicing gratitude, the easier it is for money energy to find you.

Ladies, if you would like to explore this or any other topic around mindset, book a free call with me and let’s get you from where you are to where you want to be.

February 11, 2021February 11, 2021

Finding Your Why

I have focused all of my posts in January on Mindset Detox talking about habits and values.

I addressed Breaking the Habit Loop.

I explained how to identify your triggers and how you can change your response to gain the reward you are seeking.

And finally, I talked about Values Elicitation and how you can create awareness around your values and actually create an action plan (really habits) to ensure you are in alignment with those values.

Ultimately, showing up as the person you say you are.

But I realized, one thing is missing.

I know I talked about “your why” in each of these posts, but I didn’t ever address how you find your why and what that even means.

So, that is what I will be talking about today.

When we embark on creating change, there has to be a reason.

It’s not the ACT that we are seeking, it is the FEELING and having a deep-rooted connection that makes it important to know why you want to make the change.

This is important because change isn’t easy.

Our EGO doesn’t like change and will fight to keep you where you are, safe.

That is why you need to know WHY you are making the change.

Why you want to reach a certain goal.

Why you do what you do.

Why is it important to know your why?

It is the main, driving force for you to achieve the results you are seeking.

There is actually some science behind it and when I started learning about my why, it was helpful to understand the purpose and impact.

You may have heard of Simon Sinek.

I look at him as the “grandfather” on the subject.

He talks about the “Golden Circle” and how discovering your why adds passion to your work/goals, but the Golden Circle is a tool in the achievement of long-term success.

Everything we do, including our jobs, and even organizations operate on 3 levels:

WHAT we do.

HOW we do it.

WHY we do it.

So we know what we do.

That’s easy.

Some of us even know HOW we do it.

But not many people tap into WHY we do it.

The WHY is the purpose, the cause, the beliefs that drive us to do what we do.

Why we get out of bed each morning.

Why we work a job.

Why we started a business.

Why we want to make changes in our lives to better ourselves in every capacity.

And, no matter how much we like to admit it, we are not always rational beings.

If we were, people wouldn’t take risks and would succumb to their fears and miss out on things like falling in love, starting a business, or taking risks for growth.

But we do fall in love.

We do start businesses.

We do take those risks for growth.

Because how we FEEL about something or someone is more powerful than what we think about it or them.

And the problem with feelings is it is difficult to express them in words so we resort to using metaphors and analogies.

But if we can communicate our feelings, no matter how hard it can be, we receive huge payoffs.

So let’s get back to that concept of the Golden Circle.

The outer circle is the WHAT and that corresponds to the outer portion of the brain-the neocortex.

This part of the brain is responsible for the rational and analytical thought process.

It is also the part of the brain responsible for language.

The middle sections of the circle are the HOW and WHY that correspond with the middle section of the brain-the limbic system.

This part of the brain is responsible for our behavior and decision making.

It’s also responsible for feelings like trust and loyalty.

The limbic system differs from the neocortex because it has no capacity for language.

It’s where our “gut feelings” come from, a feeling we get about a decision we have to make that we struggle to explain.

And this sometimes makes it difficult to put those feelings into words.

But, those who do are able to inspire action in themselves and others.

And once you understand your WHY, you’ll be able to clearly articulate what drives your behavior.

You’ll be able to make more intentional choices and inspire others.

Your WHY is a statement of purpose that describes why you do what you do and live the life that you live.

Now that you have an understanding of the “science”, you can now start the process of finding your WHY.

So what results are you looking to achieve?

List out all the reasons you have for doing so.

For me, I wanted my own business focused on helping others.

So I listed out everything.

I want to wake up every morning without an alarm
I want time freedom
I want financial freedom
I want to be my own boss
I want to retire my husband
I want to pay off our home
I want to be able to travel
I want to be able to work from anywhere, on my schedule
I want to impact people in ways that inspire them to show up as the best versions of themselves
I want to leave a legacy of lives I have touched
I want to make a difference

I then went back through my list and read each one, closing my eyes and visualizing what my life would look like if I had these things.

In doing so, I discovered the things that resonated so deeply within me, the limbic portion of my brain perked up and gave me that “gut feeling”.

The result was my why.

The driving force behind what do, how I do it, and why I do it.

What I do:

I help women end unhealthy cycles of toxic relationships, harmful habits, and negative thought patterns so that they can live an abundant life full of energy, confidence, and fulfillment.

How I do it:

By helping these women create awareness, tackle the hard stuff through mindset work, and creating action plans full of tools they can use to achieve the results they are seeking.

Why I do it:

To create a legacy of empowered women who are clear on their purpose, confident in their decisions and actions, and free from all of the emotional pain from their traumatic experiences while creating the life they desire and deserve.

So there ya have it.

Are you ready to tap into your why?

If you would like to talk more about this, reach out to me.

I would love to know what you do and WHY you do it!

January 26, 2021January 26, 2021

Values Elicitation

You’re more likely to achieve your goals when they’re not in conflict with your values or “core” values— the attributes, concepts, and qualities that are important to you.

Core Values are the map-the vehicle to get you to where you want to go.

They give you direction and help you maintain consistency when things get hard.

They give you a set of rules that your actions have to align with

They are your fundamental beliefs.

They are the driving force behind your habits.

So, when we think about a dream and wanting to turn it into reality, we can refer back to our values to see if we are in alignment with where we want to go.

If we want to make a million dollars, your values may be work, money, success, etc.

If our dream is to make a million dollars and your values are love, connection, and adventure, then our values do not align with that dream.

Elicitation means to draw or bring out or forth; educe; evoke: to elicit the truth; to elicit a response with a question so that is what we are going to do today.

So, you need to first create some awareness.

If you are in a relationship, have your partner or spouse do the exercise as well. Then you can come together and compare to create awareness within your relationship and have a deeper understanding of where you both are.

You can also do this together creating awareness around your relationship and how those values relate to your individual values.

How would you want to be described?

What is the story you would hope someone else would tell about how you show up for your life?

Make this your vividly, wildly detailed story.

My story: I am someone who acts out of integrity and shows up every day in my life. I am healthy and strong with a growth mindset so that I can take on the hard stuff and come through the other side even stronger. I am also someone who is compassionate and loving always acting and responding from a place of love and understanding. I work to live but don’t live to work and the work that I do is a reflection of who I am and my core values.

Start creating your story listing out your core values.

For example, adventure, fun, love, contribution, lifestyle, integrity, harmony, health, family, friends, empathy, compassion, fairness, humility, courage, humor, security, personal development, political leadership, and creativity. These are just some of the words that refer to common values. You probably have your own words.

Quickly and spontaneously as it comes to mind, make a list of everything you value — list as many values as you can think of in a few minutes.

Now pick the first 10 values on your list and write them down in order of importance, from the most important to the least.

Who do you have to consistently be and how would you have to consistently act to have that story come true?

This is me: I am a person that is strength, support, and reason. I live in my truth every day. My actions are a direct reflection of who I am at my core.

Examine your list and think about whether these values and the order in which they are listed truly reflect what you value most in your life today. Many of us continue to live by values that we developed when we were younger, which may be obsolete in the present.

For example, someone might continue to put adventure and fun at the top of their list, when in their current situation they should place a higher value on health and family. Now, after careful consideration, rewrite the order of importance of your values, to reflect more accurately how you want to live today.

What would it actually take? What is the plan?

Ask better questions about the things in your life that you are doing and how you are taking action.

My question: What do I need to do every day to bring awareness to my dreams and values?

My answer: Gratitude, affirmations, personal growth & development

Make daily connections with ladies and provide support and inspiration while adding value. This helps when they are ready to say yes to one of my programs because they know me in my truth

For each of your top 3 values, list 3 ways that you can experience that value every day or every week. Try to find easy ways to fulfill the value. What are three ways that every day or every week you can experience adventure, fun, love, making a contribution – whatever is on your list? (My top 3 are Health, Growth, Connection)

Value #1: Health

I can fulfill this value on a regular basis by:

Action #1 Moving my body every day

Action #2 Being aware of what I am eating and making choices on how foods make me feel

Action #3 Mindset/Mental health: journaling/gratitude practice and meditating

Value #2: Growth

I can fulfill this value on a regular basis by:

Action #1 Reading something inspirational daily and reflecting on how I can implement that inspiration into my life

Action #2 Reading/listening to educational items: books, articles, podcasts, blogs, etc.

Action #3 Attending as many free training sessions offered by colleagues as I can to continue learning my trade

Value #3: Connection

I can fulfill this value on a regular basis by:

Action #1 Making time every day to be present and engaging with my husband

Action #2 Connecting with ladies via social media to provide service and support

Action #3 Making time every day to connect with me via mediation and journaling so that I can show up as the best version of myself

If you are doing this with a partner, compare your values and the way you fulfill them. If they are similar, the chances are that the relationship is stable. Differences are an indication of possible conflict. But once a conflict has been identified, it can be solved. You can begin to understand and accept your differences, or you can work to reconcile your values and means of fulfilling them.

It’s a good practice to review your list of values every 6 months to a year and change them to reflect your current situation and what you truly want now.

January 20, 2021January 20, 2021

Breaking the Habit Loop

Our habits actually control 40-90% of our lives, meaning that if our habits are GOOD, we show up well for our lives and relationships.

If we are feeling out of control in our lives, it is a reflection of the habits we are choosing, because our habits are actually in control.

If our habits are bad, well, we just don’t show up as well.

When we aren’t showing up as the best version of ourselves because we are choosing bad habits, we tend to fall into a negative space.

Beating ourselves up and going into a self-deprecating mindset, which in turn, leads to choosing more bad habits.

You CAN change this by creating some awareness around what habits you currently have and which of those need to change.

So, how do you change habits?

Once you have an idea about what your habits are and what habits need to change, you need to find some motivation and then you need to tap into some consistency.

List out your habits and include the habits you would like to implement instead of what you are currently doing.

Your motivation is going to come from a deep-rooted “why”.

This “why” needs to be strong enough and powerful enough to keep you moving when it gets hard.

When you are going to want to fall back into those old habits.

You need to know HOW you are going to implement these changes.

There needs to be a plan in place in order to make this change.

For my health people out there, this plan may be food prep or planning.

Next, ask yourself, WHY AM I DOING THIS?

The consistency will be easy on the days that it’s easy. Where we fall into trouble is when those days are hard and we just want to shut down and give up.

Tap into that why and DO THE THING!

Turn that hard day into a less hard day by feeling a sense of accomplishment that you have overcome the hard.

Once you keep moving forward through this, the old habits will fall away and be replaced by new habits.

Do you know WHEN this change needs to be implemented?

Again, you need a plan. For my health people again, the when maybe food prep every Sunday and then actually scheduling the workouts on the calendar and maybe even mealtimes.

So let’s dig deeper into what those habits and when they show up most.

There is a bit of science around habits and once we understand the science around habits, the easier it will be to change.

There is this idea of a HABIT LOOP and it contains 3 different stages.

The Cue → The Routine → The Reward

The cue is the trigger or the thing that causes the unconscious behavior.

The routine is the activity or the thing you do after you are triggered.

The reward is the end result or the thing you actually craved when you were triggered.

You can eliminate the triggers and you will ALWAYS need rewards but you can CHANGE the routine.

The activity you do after you are triggered.

So when do we get triggered?

In his book, The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg says that there are five categories for things that trigger us:

Location
Time
Emotional State
Other People
The Immediately Preceding Action (The thing that happened last)

So now we have created some awareness around the Habit Loop and the things that trigger us.

Let’s talk about getting unstuck from that habit loop.

Once you know what habits you turn to and what triggers you, you need to make that plan.

What are some things you can do to REPLACE that habit?

It may take a few tries to find something that resonates with you so that you can create some consistency.

But the goal is to keep trying and once you do find it and you are consistent, your new response and action become a habit.

Ask yourself:

When does the trigger show up in your life?

What routine do you want to change?

Get clear with this because you want to find a replacement routine that will give you the same reward.

Creating that consistency can be done by looking at your keystone habits.

Keystone habits are habits that create a rippling effect or “chain reaction”.

These can be anything such as exercise, planning, bedtimes, making your bed every day.

Some of my keystone habits are:

Writing my 10 gratitudes every morning
Not looking at anything electronic (including the TV or my phone) for one hour after waking up
Moving my body every day for 30 minutes
Making my bed

Something simple like making my bed every day gives me a sense of accomplishment and success and sets me up for a chain reaction of success for the rest of the day.

A solid morning routine is an essential use of these keystone habits and creating that ripple effect.

Lastly, aligning your habits with your personal values is essential to your success.

This will eliminate conflict within yourself and automatically eliminate any negative feelings about your habits.

So let’s recap.

First, create that awareness.

What are your habits and what habits do you need to change?

List them out. Include what new habit you would like to have in place instead.

How are you going to change those habits?

You need to have a plan in place.

Why are you doing this?

Tap into your why because this is the thing that will motivate you to keep moving when things get hard.

When are you going to make this change?

Identify those triggers!

Now, you are ready to start breaking that habit loop!

January 6, 2021January 6, 2021

What Is Mindset Detox?

Today I am going to answer the question, what is mindset detox?

But before I do, I want to share with you why it’s necessary and share with you a little about my story.

I was 5 when my parents divorced and this one event changed the course of my life in ways a child of 5 could even imagine.

It caused a series of events to transpire that no child should have ever had to experience.

My life became a statistic.

I fell victim to poverty, neglect, physical and emotional abuse, and addiction.

This, in turn, contributed to a very toxic and destructive mindset.

I had abandonment issues.

I had trust issues, both in myself and of others.

I never thought that I was good enough.

I never thought that I could be successful because I didn’t receive the encouragement I needed.

I grew up long before I should have.

I was co-dependent.

I was an enabler.

I became the caretaker of my younger brother AND my mother.

All before the age of 13.

As an adult, I suffered from anxiety, depression, control issues, self-destructive behaviors, and more.

I had ZERO confidence.

I was so afraid of everything, especially what others thought of me and my situation.

This rolled into every relationship I had.

I didn’t have the framework of a healthy relationship, so my behaviors stayed the same.

And I kept reliving the same traumas I had experienced as a child within those relationships.

I felt stuck in a life that I knew was no longer mine.

It affected every aspect of what I was trying to accomplish:

Healthy relationships.

Job/career growth.

Business growth.

Why???

Because I didn’t have the awareness of what needed to change and kept falling back on the same habits, thought patterns, and behaviors, and this went on for YEARS!

One thing that DIDN’T happen…I didn’t adopt my mother’s victim mindset so I had that going for me.

I fought, and I fought hard and I believe that this was the driving force behind where I am today and why I am so passionate about helping others on their journey.

But I didn’t step into my power until much later.

It was actually in my late 30’s (I am now 47) when I started to TRULY find that power.

Yes, I was a victim.

But that was not my identity.

I knew deep down inside that I needed to make changes…but how?

This is where mindset detox comes in.

Detox is “a process or period of time in which one abstains from or rids the body of toxic or unhealthy substances; detoxification.”

Mindset detox is literally that:

Detoxing those thought patterns, habits, and behaviors.

But to do that, there needs to be AWARENESS of what those things are.

During the detox, you take a good look at what those habits are that are keeping you where you are and no longer serving you.

You can examine your beliefs and actually change those beliefs to align with who you are TODAY.

Also encompassed in all of that is learning to change your perspective based on your past experiences so that those past experiences actually contribute in a positive manner to your mindset.

Your perspective is how you see the world based on those past experiences and mindset is what you THINK about what you see.

Once you identify where the change needs to happen and actually take action to make the changes, you start to eliminate the self-sabotage the always seems to creap in and derail your efforts.

You gain the courage and confidence within yourself and realize that what other people think of you doesn’t matter because you are in your truth and aligned with who you are.

You get to rewrite that story!

So you now you understand what is being detoxed, I will share with you how you actually start to create this awareness.

You can do some journaling around some questions to find that awareness.

Ask yourself:

What is it that needs to change?

Why do I need to make this change?

What feeling am I after in making this change?

What steps do I need to take to get there?

Am I willing to get uncomfortable in order to make these changes?

I have to tell you that with change comes discomfort but that is where the growth happens!

Now, look at your habits and behaviors:

What do you currently do when things are difficult?

When did you adopt these habits and behaviors?

What triggers these habits and behaviors?

What self-talk do you engage in? In other words, what story are you telling yourself?

Next, create a plan:

What habit or behavior do you WANT to adopt to replace those that no longer serve you?

What story do you want to tell and is it in alignment with who you say you are?

You see, you don’t have to stay stuck. You have a choice to make a change.

The question is, are you ready?

This is what mindset detox is all about.

Creating the awareness of what needs to change, making the changes, and rewriting your story so that you are in alignment with who you say you are.

And this is where LASTING change happens.

This isn’t a quick, temporary fix for the pain you are feeling now.

This is work and it’s a journey of self-awareness and stepping into your power.

You are an amazing, beautiful soul who deserves everything you desire in this life and I want that for you!

Want to go deeper into the detox?

I can help you!

This month in my Women Taking Action for Change private community, I will be talking about all things Mindset Detox! Click here to join!

December 23, 2020December 23, 2020

Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work

We are coming out of one of the most difficult years our world has seen in quite some time.

All of the uncertainty and change has created a state of unrest and massive fear.

And this will be the PERFECT time to start thinking “I am going to change XYZ starting January 1”!

Yep, that New Year’s Resolution.

But let me ask you, what happened on January 1, 2020?

What “resolution” did you make?

How did it work out for you?

I bet it didn’t and I bet you are saying “It didn’t work for 2020 because of XYZ (pandemic, election, etc.) but 2021 is MY YEAR!”

Immediately, you looked at something outside of you to blame.

But did you actually change what was going on on the INSIDE?

I have never been one for “resolutions”.

They rank up there with “diets” and I believe setting you up right away for failure because of the stigma just around the words themselves.

Generally, people make resolutions like “I am going to lose 50 lbs”, or “I am going to eat healthily”, or “I am going to work out every day”.

And then, January 1 hits, and you are off and running, pushing yourself toward the idea of what you think you want, and then by mid-February, give up because you are so overwhelmed with the sudden changes that you don’t believe you will ever make it.

This same process occurs when we try to make other lifestyle changes and pool them into the “resolutions” category.

So now, let’s look at the definition of “resolution”. It means “a firm decision to do or not to do something”.

That’s it.

When we make resolutions, we have every intention of doing whatever it is, but we don’t have a plan.

We don’t usually have systems set up to help us succeed so, we quit and inevitably, fail.

There is also an “all or nothing” attachment to whatever that something is.

Intention, on the other hand, is “a thing intended; an aim or plan” and a goal is “the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result” and goal setting “involves the development of an action plan designed to motivate and guide a person or group toward a goal”.

Intention and goal setting go hand in hand. It is the expansion of a resolution because we actually can take action by implementing small steps that are mapped out in a plan.

And because the plan involves steps, you need to be specific.

So, instead of making a resolution of “I am going to lose weight”, make an intention of “I am going to lose 20 pounds this year and I am going to get there by taking these steps….” and actually WRITE out your plan, break it down into daily manageable steps.

As you accomplish each step, you check it off the list and receive instant gratification and a feeling of accomplishment. Then you do the same thing the next day.

Now, take it one step further.

Think about how you want to FEEL if you accomplish this goal.

THAT is the true magic behind the success. We aren’t seeking the outcome, we are seeking how we want to FEEL about the outcome. How do you feel when you are 20 pounds lighter?

Do you feel healthier, happier, more comfortable in your body?

Do you feel sexy and confident?

That is what you are really after!

Lastly, if you fall down, and you will, brush yourself off and try again.

There is no “all or nothing” when you are working toward a goal.

When you fall, reflect on what happened to make you fall.

What can you do differently the next time?

This is all part of the journey. And this is where you will grow.

You will be able to set intentions and make a plan to get you there.

Notice I did not say “fail”.

To fail means to “be unsuccessful in achieving one’s goal”.

If you are constantly working, falling, getting back up, and starting again, this is not failing in my eyes.

As long as you don’t give up, you won’t fail.

I challenge you to sit down and look at the things in your life you want to achieve.

Weightloss, conquering your debt, or any behavior you would like to change.

Pick the top, most important item on that list and decide how you are going to get there.

Map out your plan, set your intentions, and start!

Actually, LIST out each step and if you will need help, where will you find that help.

Don’t try and do more than one step at a time.

Once you have completed or mastered the first step, then move to the second step and so on until your goal is reached.

Then, move on to the next thing you want to accomplish on your list, rinse, and repeat.

Taking it one step at a time means progress so don’t try and overwhelm yourself trying to do it all at once.

Any lasting changes, behaviors, and habits you are trying to accomplish take time and practice.

This is a marathon, not a sprint.

This is a time of awareness and self-discovery.

This is a time of success, celebrating each small victory along the way.

This is how you create lasting results.

If you are ready to go deeper and ready to go into 2021 with an ACTION PLAN and doing the INSIDE work to make lasting change, I have the perfect program for you.

My 6-Week Mindset Detox program is here for you.

A small group of ladies coming together to inspire and support each other while doing a MASSIVE mindset detox.

We will be tackling all of the things that are taking up space in your life that need to be purged so that there is space for new, wonderful things to come in.

We will also be tackling all of those fears that impede progress as well as how to eliminate self-sabotage and procrastination by creating lasting, positive habits.

If this is something that interests you, contact me ASAP because there are only 10 spots and space is filling fast!

If you simply want more information, contact me!

December 15, 2020December 15, 2020

Keeping Holiday Stress At A Minimum

Let’s face it Ladies!

Even though our 2020 holidays have been completely different with a lack of in-person engagement due to this pandemic, it doesn’t mean some of you are not carrying all of your “normal” holiday stress as well.

Most of the stress we experience during the holidays is self-imposed.

I know, you probably think I am full of it by saying that, but it is TRUE!

We tend to set ourselves up for failure right out of the gate because of all of the expectations we place on ourselves and others.

This causes stress, anxiety, and even depression.

How many times do you find yourself saying, “I can’t wait for the holidays to be over!”

So what can you do about it so that you can actually ENJOY this time of year instead of dreading it?

Our habits also play a big role in all of this stress because we have created “holiday habits”.

These are habits that show up around the holidays that are really just your normal habits with a little extra.

I am talking about how you respond to what is going on.

What habits do you fall back on during stressful times, especially when there is stress around those expectations?

Let’s create some awareness about your thought process.

What would it FEEL like to say, “I LOVE the holidays because I can sit back and enjoy them stress-free!”

First of all, look at all of the things you “THINK” you need to do.

What self-imposed expectations have you placed on yourself?

Do you:

Feel obligated to get EVERYONE in your life a gift?
Feel that you must decorate every inch of your home or it won’t be a holiday?
Feel that you have to prepare a 7-10 course meal for each holiday?

What are the expectations you are faced with from family and friends?

Is EVERYONE expecting a gift from you?
Is everyone in your family expecting you to prepare the meals and host the parties?

And what behavior or reaction to those expectations do you have:

Break the bank just so that you can meet the expectations of the gift-giving?
Kill yourself to get ALL of the decorations up and then DREAD having to put them all away?
Exhaust yourself, alone, in the kitchen creating an amazing spread while spending ZERO time enjoying it with your family?

What if, instead, you:

NOT getting everyone a gift and breaking your bank in the process.
- If you still feel compelled, then MAKE something that will be LITTLE investment
Only put up the IMPORTANT decorations and as you put them up, reflect on the stories behind each one and share it with your family.
Enlist the help of the family by each person making a dish (even if nobody is coming over, you can get the husband and kids involved) AND the clean-up after so that there is more time to spend engaging with them.

Now, look at all of the things that you think HAVE to do.

I am specifically talking holidays here because sometimes, what we think we have to do is not what we have to do at all.

Maybe, those have to do’s can be downgraded, or even eliminated and replaced with something else.

Ask yourself: “what IF I don’t do XYZ?”

And figure out if it is TRULY something you HAVE to do.

That being said, there are some things you CAN do to help keep the stress at bay:

STOP DOING SO MUCH

Too many activities, even if they are fun activities, can culminate in too much holiday stress and leave us feeling frazzled, rather than fulfilled.

STOP EATING, DRINKING, AND SPENDING SO MUCH

Too many parties and gift-giving occasions lead people to eat and drink too much. This also causes an increased need for spending, not just on gifts, but also on food and drink! The end result can leave lasting consequences on our health and financial wellness.

Remember, IT’S OK TO SAY NO!!!

SET YOUR PRIORITIES

It’s essential to be around friends and family (as the pandemic guidelines will allow) but you don’t need to overdose on it.

Small doses spread out can be just as enjoyable and rewarding as one or two HUGE gatherings without the fatigue and over indulgences.

And you don’t have to attend every single one of them!

Stick to your budget and don’t break the bank on gifts!

CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS AND SET BOUNDARIES

If you change or even eliminate the expectations, you eliminate the feeling of having to do everything for everyone in your life.

You also need to set boundaries, not only for your friends and family but for yourself.

MAKE TIME FOR SELF-CARE

Stop using the holidays as an excuse for not taking care of you!

Make time for exercise every day, even if it’s a 20-minute walk.

Sit in quiet for at least 30 minutes a day (a hot bath, meditation, yoga, etc.) so that your sympathetic nervous system can have a break!

SAY NO when it is not a resounding YES!

Ladies, life it too short to be stressed, especially around the holidays.

We have enough stress in our lives without creating more.

If you would like more tips and tricks while creating awareness, read my blog post Surviving the Holidays from last December.

And, if you would like to go deeper into how you can make these changes so that you can actually ENJOY the holidays without the stress, let me know!

I would love to continue the conversation with you to see where you are and how to get you to where you want to be.

Chances are, all of these things are not showing up for you JUST around the holidays, they just seem EXTRA this time of year.

Ladies, I can help with that! Just click here and book your FREE 30 minute Breakthrough Call.

December 8, 2020December 8, 2020

Our Fear Response

Here we are again.

More COVID, more pandemic, more isolation, more uncertainty, more fear.

Are you someone who is succumbing to the fear?

Look at your behavior.

Are you GLUED to the news and can’t get enough?

Are you going beyond your normal stocking up at the store and actually OVER buying things…like toilet paper?

Are you resisting the fact that you need to wear a mask in public and practice social distancing?

Are you short-fused, when that is not normally your response reaction?

How about your money situation…are you worried you don’t have enough?

Ladies!!!!

This is ALL a good indication that you are operating out of FEAR!

Let’s look at how this fear is affecting your life.

You may be procrastinating more.

What goals did you set your sites on and now, they seem unreachable because you have taken to staying glued to your television or other habits that keep you distracted from taking action?

If you experience anxiety, it may be heightened because of all of the uncertainty there is in our world right now and you can’t let go of what if xxx bad happens?

If you were someone who grew up in a world of uncertainty-not enough money, not enough food, not enough jobs, etc.-you may be triggered by the state of the world now.

Let’s look at how this affects your health.

Fear prepares us to react to danger which in turn causes our body to release hormones that:

Slow or shut down functions not needed for survival. Things like the digestive system.
Sharpen functions that might help us survive (such as eyesight).
Increased and blood flow to muscles so we can respond faster and remove ourselves from the impending danger.

Our body also increases the flow of hormones to an area of the brain known as the amygdala to help us focus on the presenting danger and store it in our memory.

The brain reacts to signals from the amygdala, hindering rational thinking

When in this overactive state, the brain perceives events as negative and remembers them that way, storing them for future reference.

The brain stores all the details surrounding the danger—the sights, sounds, odors, time of day, weather, etc.

These memories tend to be very long-lasting, and may also be fragmented.

The details will act as triggers later and in severe cases causing PTSD

As you can see, fear serves a purpose, however, we are generally responding in a state of fear that can lead to greater, hindering responses and can ultimately affect your health and wellness and cause long-term effects.

So what can you do?

First of all, fear is normal.

Our fear response is designed to keep us safe.

Yes, we are in a pandemic and we all want to be safe, but when we operate out of fear, we are succumbing to responses that aren’t serving us mentally, physically, and emotionally.

2020 has been difficult for everyone.

Everyone has been afraid.

Sit back and look at how the world is responding.

We went from the toilet paper hoarding to stories of people actually hurting each other over wearing a mask or not.

What???

How is that a solution?

This CLEARLY is not rational behavior!

And seeing other people do it is contagious!

No wonder we are struggling!

We want to feel in control and shopping makes us feel more in control.

Trying to control others makes us feel more in control.

When the truth is, we have no control.

The only control we have is how we respond.

So I encourage you:

Create some awareness
- Look at your habits and behaviors-how are you responding to situations?
- Take a deep breath-are you reacting rationally or are you responding based on someone else’s response?

Do things that make you happy-what brings you joy?
- Make that list now!

Stop watching the news!
- The news is designed to keep us in a fearful state because it increases ratings and gives them stories to report on.
- Find other reputable sources to obtain the FACTS

Maintain a routine
- This involves creating positive habits that keep you functioning in a higher resonating state which will help keep the fear at bay

I hope that that this helped create some awareness of your fears.

If you are ready to DETOX 2020 and let go of your fears by creating lasting habits and working through the hard stuff, let me know.

I have a 6-week program designed just for you and it starts Monday, January 4th.

We will be eliminating fear, ending self-sabotage and procrastination, creating lasting habits and so much more!

Click here to sign up!

November 25, 2020November 25, 2020

The Path To Self-Actualization

I have to thank Dave Hollis for inspiring me to write about this topic. Understanding the stories we tell ourselves and how to actualize is really big for personal growth.

Let’s begin with talking about identity. Identity is stories of our past and present that inform the stories of our future. These are the stories you tell yourself about who you THINK you are and you assign value to those stories so that they inform who you are in the future. Ask yourself; Are you someone who tells a story of hopelessness? If you are, then the character who shows up is hopeless. Are you someone who tells a story of optimism and joy? If you are, then the character who shows up is positive, optimistic, and joyful.

Now, what happens if you tell a story of optimism but shows up hopeless? This is where the real work begins. You can ask yourself a few more questions to understand exactly where you are at; What story are you telling yourself? What character do you need to play in that story to make it true?

This is where self-actualization comes into play. Self-actualization is when the vision who you desire to be and your actions match up in order for it to come true. In this space, the brain tries to unconsciously marry who we hope to be with our actions. How conscious are you of the stories you are telling yourself? How committed are you to the weight of the stories of what has happened to you? Now we are making some REAL ground on understanding the narrative you mentally write about yourself.

In order to obtain TRUE self-actualization you have got to be intentional. Think about the way you would describe yourself in a 60 second elevator pitch that describes what makes you uniquely qualified for the life you want and/or deserve. Now, does this story match the story someone else would tell about you?

Considering what someone else would say is not to confuse you with WORRYING about what others think about you. This is about aligning with the truth and your story. You need to dig in and look to see if how you place value, positive and negative, to the things that have happened to you in your life. Ask yourself; Are these values empowering you or holding you back, keeping you stuck in your current state?

I love how Dave says this, “Are you standing on top of the failures in your life? Or are you buried underneath them?”

Moving on to addressing your experiences. There are two types of experiences that we have in life. There are many ways that we consciously and unconsciously decide to REACT or RESPOND to each.

Central Experiences: the pillars that we anchor our identity. These are the big things of impact that can be good or bad depending on the value you place on them. You get to decide whether you ascribe negativity or positivity to these experiences. These might be things you didn’t deserve. But not deserving it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. Now you have to decide whether you are a victim or a survivor.

How do you assign value to central experiences?
Does that assigned value help or hurt you?
Are you anchored to attributes these experiences that hold you back?

Circumstantial Experiences: are the things that have happened to have happened. There might have been learning or pain that came with these experiences, but they don’t define who you are.

There are two choices you can make. Move those negative central experiences to circumstantial experiences. This takes the negative attribution away and turns the experience into something that “just happened” with no weight. They become something that has happened to have happened. Assign the negative central experiences to positive attributes. Change the value from those being the things that happened “to” you to the things that happened “for” you and how it affected you positively and contributed to your growth.

Where to go from here? I have some practices to help you figure out WHO you are and how to REWRITE your story.

Journal these questions about WHO you are:

What story are you telling yourself?
What character do you need to play in that story to make it true?
Does this story match the story someone else tells about you?

Rewrite YOUR Story:

Make a list of 5-10 Central Experiences (the pillars that we anchor our identity. These are the big things of impact that can be good or bad depending on the value you place on them. You get to decide whether you ascribe negativity or positivity to these experiences. These might be things you didn’t deserve. But not deserving it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. Now you have to decide whether you are a victim or a survivor).
Write next to each Central Experience on your list if you have assigned positive or negative attributes to them.
For the negative central experiences, decide if you are going to:
- Move those negative central experiences to circumstantial experiences. (This takes the negative attribution away and turns the experience into something that “just happened” with no weight. They become something that has happened to have happened).
- Assign the negative central experiences to positive attributes. (Change the value from those being the things that happened “to” you to the things that happened “for” you and how it affected you positively and contributed to your growth).