January, 2021 |

January 26, 2021January 26, 2021

Values Elicitation

You’re more likely to achieve your goals when they’re not in conflict with your values or “core” values— the attributes, concepts, and qualities that are important to you.

Core Values are the map-the vehicle to get you to where you want to go.

They give you direction and help you maintain consistency when things get hard.

They give you a set of rules that your actions have to align with

They are your fundamental beliefs.

They are the driving force behind your habits.

So, when we think about a dream and wanting to turn it into reality, we can refer back to our values to see if we are in alignment with where we want to go.

If we want to make a million dollars, your values may be work, money, success, etc.

If our dream is to make a million dollars and your values are love, connection, and adventure, then our values do not align with that dream.

Elicitation means to draw or bring out or forth; educe; evoke: to elicit the truth; to elicit a response with a question so that is what we are going to do today.

So, you need to first create some awareness.

If you are in a relationship, have your partner or spouse do the exercise as well. Then you can come together and compare to create awareness within your relationship and have a deeper understanding of where you both are.

You can also do this together creating awareness around your relationship and how those values relate to your individual values.

How would you want to be described?

What is the story you would hope someone else would tell about how you show up for your life?

Make this your vividly, wildly detailed story.

My story: I am someone who acts out of integrity and shows up every day in my life. I am healthy and strong with a growth mindset so that I can take on the hard stuff and come through the other side even stronger. I am also someone who is compassionate and loving always acting and responding from a place of love and understanding. I work to live but don’t live to work and the work that I do is a reflection of who I am and my core values.

Start creating your story listing out your core values.

For example, adventure, fun, love, contribution, lifestyle, integrity, harmony, health, family, friends, empathy, compassion, fairness, humility, courage, humor, security, personal development, political leadership, and creativity. These are just some of the words that refer to common values. You probably have your own words.

Quickly and spontaneously as it comes to mind, make a list of everything you value — list as many values as you can think of in a few minutes.

Now pick the first 10 values on your list and write them down in order of importance, from the most important to the least.

Who do you have to consistently be and how would you have to consistently act to have that story come true?

This is me: I am a person that is strength, support, and reason. I live in my truth every day. My actions are a direct reflection of who I am at my core.

Examine your list and think about whether these values and the order in which they are listed truly reflect what you value most in your life today. Many of us continue to live by values that we developed when we were younger, which may be obsolete in the present.

For example, someone might continue to put adventure and fun at the top of their list, when in their current situation they should place a higher value on health and family. Now, after careful consideration, rewrite the order of importance of your values, to reflect more accurately how you want to live today.

What would it actually take? What is the plan?

Ask better questions about the things in your life that you are doing and how you are taking action.

My question: What do I need to do every day to bring awareness to my dreams and values?

My answer: Gratitude, affirmations, personal growth & development

Make daily connections with ladies and provide support and inspiration while adding value. This helps when they are ready to say yes to one of my programs because they know me in my truth

For each of your top 3 values, list 3 ways that you can experience that value every day or every week. Try to find easy ways to fulfill the value. What are three ways that every day or every week you can experience adventure, fun, love, making a contribution – whatever is on your list? (My top 3 are Health, Growth, Connection)

Value #1: Health

I can fulfill this value on a regular basis by:

Action #1 Moving my body every day

Action #2 Being aware of what I am eating and making choices on how foods make me feel

Action #3 Mindset/Mental health: journaling/gratitude practice and meditating

Value #2: Growth

I can fulfill this value on a regular basis by:

Action #1 Reading something inspirational daily and reflecting on how I can implement that inspiration into my life

Action #2 Reading/listening to educational items: books, articles, podcasts, blogs, etc.

Action #3 Attending as many free training sessions offered by colleagues as I can to continue learning my trade

Value #3: Connection

I can fulfill this value on a regular basis by:

Action #1 Making time every day to be present and engaging with my husband

Action #2 Connecting with ladies via social media to provide service and support

Action #3 Making time every day to connect with me via mediation and journaling so that I can show up as the best version of myself

If you are doing this with a partner, compare your values and the way you fulfill them. If they are similar, the chances are that the relationship is stable. Differences are an indication of possible conflict. But once a conflict has been identified, it can be solved. You can begin to understand and accept your differences, or you can work to reconcile your values and means of fulfilling them.

It’s a good practice to review your list of values every 6 months to a year and change them to reflect your current situation and what you truly want now.

January 20, 2021January 20, 2021

Breaking the Habit Loop

Our habits actually control 40-90% of our lives, meaning that if our habits are GOOD, we show up well for our lives and relationships.

If we are feeling out of control in our lives, it is a reflection of the habits we are choosing, because our habits are actually in control.

If our habits are bad, well, we just don’t show up as well.

When we aren’t showing up as the best version of ourselves because we are choosing bad habits, we tend to fall into a negative space.

Beating ourselves up and going into a self-deprecating mindset, which in turn, leads to choosing more bad habits.

You CAN change this by creating some awareness around what habits you currently have and which of those need to change.

So, how do you change habits?

Once you have an idea about what your habits are and what habits need to change, you need to find some motivation and then you need to tap into some consistency.

List out your habits and include the habits you would like to implement instead of what you are currently doing.

Your motivation is going to come from a deep-rooted “why”.

This “why” needs to be strong enough and powerful enough to keep you moving when it gets hard.

When you are going to want to fall back into those old habits.

You need to know HOW you are going to implement these changes.

There needs to be a plan in place in order to make this change.

For my health people out there, this plan may be food prep or planning.

Next, ask yourself, WHY AM I DOING THIS?

The consistency will be easy on the days that it’s easy. Where we fall into trouble is when those days are hard and we just want to shut down and give up.

Tap into that why and DO THE THING!

Turn that hard day into a less hard day by feeling a sense of accomplishment that you have overcome the hard.

Once you keep moving forward through this, the old habits will fall away and be replaced by new habits.

Do you know WHEN this change needs to be implemented?

Again, you need a plan. For my health people again, the when maybe food prep every Sunday and then actually scheduling the workouts on the calendar and maybe even mealtimes.

So let’s dig deeper into what those habits and when they show up most.

There is a bit of science around habits and once we understand the science around habits, the easier it will be to change.

There is this idea of a HABIT LOOP and it contains 3 different stages.

The Cue → The Routine → The Reward

The cue is the trigger or the thing that causes the unconscious behavior.

The routine is the activity or the thing you do after you are triggered.

The reward is the end result or the thing you actually craved when you were triggered.

You can eliminate the triggers and you will ALWAYS need rewards but you can CHANGE the routine.

The activity you do after you are triggered.

So when do we get triggered?

In his book, The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg says that there are five categories for things that trigger us:

Location
Time
Emotional State
Other People
The Immediately Preceding Action (The thing that happened last)

So now we have created some awareness around the Habit Loop and the things that trigger us.

Let’s talk about getting unstuck from that habit loop.

Once you know what habits you turn to and what triggers you, you need to make that plan.

What are some things you can do to REPLACE that habit?

It may take a few tries to find something that resonates with you so that you can create some consistency.

But the goal is to keep trying and once you do find it and you are consistent, your new response and action become a habit.

Ask yourself:

When does the trigger show up in your life?

What routine do you want to change?

Get clear with this because you want to find a replacement routine that will give you the same reward.

Creating that consistency can be done by looking at your keystone habits.

Keystone habits are habits that create a rippling effect or “chain reaction”.

These can be anything such as exercise, planning, bedtimes, making your bed every day.

Some of my keystone habits are:

Writing my 10 gratitudes every morning
Not looking at anything electronic (including the TV or my phone) for one hour after waking up
Moving my body every day for 30 minutes
Making my bed

Something simple like making my bed every day gives me a sense of accomplishment and success and sets me up for a chain reaction of success for the rest of the day.

A solid morning routine is an essential use of these keystone habits and creating that ripple effect.

Lastly, aligning your habits with your personal values is essential to your success.

This will eliminate conflict within yourself and automatically eliminate any negative feelings about your habits.

So let’s recap.

First, create that awareness.

What are your habits and what habits do you need to change?

List them out. Include what new habit you would like to have in place instead.

How are you going to change those habits?

You need to have a plan in place.

Why are you doing this?

Tap into your why because this is the thing that will motivate you to keep moving when things get hard.

When are you going to make this change?

Identify those triggers!

Now, you are ready to start breaking that habit loop!

January 6, 2021January 6, 2021

What Is Mindset Detox?

Today I am going to answer the question, what is mindset detox?

But before I do, I want to share with you why it’s necessary and share with you a little about my story.

I was 5 when my parents divorced and this one event changed the course of my life in ways a child of 5 could even imagine.

It caused a series of events to transpire that no child should have ever had to experience.

My life became a statistic.

I fell victim to poverty, neglect, physical and emotional abuse, and addiction.

This, in turn, contributed to a very toxic and destructive mindset.

I had abandonment issues.

I had trust issues, both in myself and of others.

I never thought that I was good enough.

I never thought that I could be successful because I didn’t receive the encouragement I needed.

I grew up long before I should have.

I was co-dependent.

I was an enabler.

I became the caretaker of my younger brother AND my mother.

All before the age of 13.

As an adult, I suffered from anxiety, depression, control issues, self-destructive behaviors, and more.

I had ZERO confidence.

I was so afraid of everything, especially what others thought of me and my situation.

This rolled into every relationship I had.

I didn’t have the framework of a healthy relationship, so my behaviors stayed the same.

And I kept reliving the same traumas I had experienced as a child within those relationships.

I felt stuck in a life that I knew was no longer mine.

It affected every aspect of what I was trying to accomplish:

Healthy relationships.

Job/career growth.

Business growth.

Why???

Because I didn’t have the awareness of what needed to change and kept falling back on the same habits, thought patterns, and behaviors, and this went on for YEARS!

One thing that DIDN’T happen…I didn’t adopt my mother’s victim mindset so I had that going for me.

I fought, and I fought hard and I believe that this was the driving force behind where I am today and why I am so passionate about helping others on their journey.

But I didn’t step into my power until much later.

It was actually in my late 30’s (I am now 47) when I started to TRULY find that power.

Yes, I was a victim.

But that was not my identity.

I knew deep down inside that I needed to make changes…but how?

This is where mindset detox comes in.

Detox is “a process or period of time in which one abstains from or rids the body of toxic or unhealthy substances; detoxification.”

Mindset detox is literally that:

Detoxing those thought patterns, habits, and behaviors.

But to do that, there needs to be AWARENESS of what those things are.

During the detox, you take a good look at what those habits are that are keeping you where you are and no longer serving you.

You can examine your beliefs and actually change those beliefs to align with who you are TODAY.

Also encompassed in all of that is learning to change your perspective based on your past experiences so that those past experiences actually contribute in a positive manner to your mindset.

Your perspective is how you see the world based on those past experiences and mindset is what you THINK about what you see.

Once you identify where the change needs to happen and actually take action to make the changes, you start to eliminate the self-sabotage the always seems to creap in and derail your efforts.

You gain the courage and confidence within yourself and realize that what other people think of you doesn’t matter because you are in your truth and aligned with who you are.

You get to rewrite that story!

So you now you understand what is being detoxed, I will share with you how you actually start to create this awareness.

You can do some journaling around some questions to find that awareness.

Ask yourself:

What is it that needs to change?

Why do I need to make this change?

What feeling am I after in making this change?

What steps do I need to take to get there?

Am I willing to get uncomfortable in order to make these changes?

I have to tell you that with change comes discomfort but that is where the growth happens!

Now, look at your habits and behaviors:

What do you currently do when things are difficult?

When did you adopt these habits and behaviors?

What triggers these habits and behaviors?

What self-talk do you engage in? In other words, what story are you telling yourself?

Next, create a plan:

What habit or behavior do you WANT to adopt to replace those that no longer serve you?

What story do you want to tell and is it in alignment with who you say you are?

You see, you don’t have to stay stuck. You have a choice to make a change.

The question is, are you ready?

This is what mindset detox is all about.

Creating the awareness of what needs to change, making the changes, and rewriting your story so that you are in alignment with who you say you are.

And this is where LASTING change happens.

This isn’t a quick, temporary fix for the pain you are feeling now.

This is work and it’s a journey of self-awareness and stepping into your power.

You are an amazing, beautiful soul who deserves everything you desire in this life and I want that for you!

Want to go deeper into the detox?

I can help you!

This month in my Women Taking Action for Change private community, I will be talking about all things Mindset Detox! Click here to join!