Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work

We are coming out of one of the most difficult years our world has seen in quite some time.

All of the uncertainty and change has created a state of unrest and massive fear.

And this will be the PERFECT time to start thinking “I am going to change XYZ starting January 1”!

Yep, that New Year’s Resolution.

But let me ask you, what happened on January 1, 2020?

What “resolution” did you make?

How did it work out for you?

I bet it didn’t and I bet you are saying “It didn’t work for 2020 because of XYZ (pandemic, election, etc.) but 2021 is MY YEAR!”

Immediately, you looked at something outside of you to blame.

But did you actually change what was going on on the INSIDE?

I have never been one for “resolutions”. 

They rank up there with “diets” and I believe setting you up right away for failure because of the stigma just around the words themselves. 

Generally, people make resolutions like “I am going to lose 50 lbs”, or “I am going to eat healthily”, or “I am going to work out every day”. 

And then, January 1 hits, and you are off and running, pushing yourself toward the idea of what you think you want, and then by mid-February, give up because you are so overwhelmed with the sudden changes that you don’t believe you will ever make it. 

This same process occurs when we try to make other lifestyle changes and pool them into the “resolutions” category. 

So now, let’s look at the definition of “resolution”. It means “a firm decision to do or not to do something”. 

That’s it. 

When we make resolutions, we have every intention of doing whatever it is, but we don’t have a plan. 

We don’t usually have systems set up to help us succeed so, we quit and inevitably, fail. 

There is also an “all or nothing” attachment to whatever that something is.

Intention, on the other hand, is “a thing intended; an aim or plan” and a goal is “the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result” and goal setting “involves the development of an action plan designed to motivate and guide a person or group toward a goal”. 

Intention and goal setting go hand in hand. It is the expansion of a resolution because we actually can take action by implementing small steps that are mapped out in a plan. 

And because the plan involves steps, you need to be specific.

So, instead of making a resolution of “I am going to lose weight”, make an intention of “I am going to lose 20 pounds this year and I am going to get there by taking these steps….” and actually WRITE out your plan, break it down into daily manageable steps. 

As you accomplish each step, you check it off the list and receive instant gratification and a feeling of accomplishment. Then you do the same thing the next day.

Now, take it one step further. 

Think about how you want to FEEL if you accomplish this goal. 

THAT is the true magic behind the success. We aren’t seeking the outcome, we are seeking how we want to FEEL about the outcome. How do you feel when you are 20 pounds lighter? 

Do you feel healthier, happier, more comfortable in your body? 

Do you feel sexy and confident? 

That is what you are really after!

Lastly, if you fall down, and you will, brush yourself off and try again. 

There is no “all or nothing” when you are working toward a goal. 

When you fall, reflect on what happened to make you fall. 

What can you do differently the next time? 

This is all part of the journey. And this is where you will grow. 

You will be able to set intentions and make a plan to get you there. 

Notice I did not say “fail”. 

To fail means to “be unsuccessful in achieving one’s goal”. 

If you are constantly working, falling, getting back up, and starting again, this is not failing in my eyes. 

As long as you don’t give up, you won’t fail.

I challenge you to sit down and look at the things in your life you want to achieve. 

Weightloss, conquering your debt, or any behavior you would like to change. 

Pick the top, most important item on that list and decide how you are going to get there.

Map out your plan, set your intentions, and start!

Actually, LIST out each step and if you will need help, where will you find that help.

Don’t try and do more than one step at a time.

Once you have completed or mastered the first step, then move to the second step and so on until your goal is reached.

Then, move on to the next thing you want to accomplish on your list, rinse, and repeat. 

Taking it one step at a time means progress so don’t try and overwhelm yourself trying to do it all at once.

Any lasting changes, behaviors, and habits you are trying to accomplish take time and practice.

This is a marathon, not a sprint.

This is a time of awareness and self-discovery.

This is a time of success, celebrating each small victory along the way.

This is how you create lasting results.

If you are ready to go deeper and ready to go into 2021 with an ACTION PLAN and doing the INSIDE work to make lasting change, I have the perfect program for you.

My 6-Week Mindset Detox program is here for you.

A small group of ladies coming together to inspire and support each other while doing a MASSIVE mindset detox.

We will be tackling all of the things that are taking up space in your life that need to be purged so that there is space for new, wonderful things to come in.

We will also be tackling all of those fears that impede progress as well as how to eliminate self-sabotage and procrastination by creating lasting, positive habits.

If this is something that interests you, contact me ASAP because there are only 10 spots and space is filling fast!

If you simply want more information, contact me!

Keeping Holiday Stress At A Minimum

Let’s face it Ladies!

Even though our 2020 holidays have been completely different with a lack of in-person engagement due to this pandemic, it doesn’t mean some of you are not carrying all of your “normal” holiday stress as well.

Most of the stress we experience during the holidays is self-imposed.

I know, you probably think I am full of it by saying that, but it is TRUE!

We tend to set ourselves up for failure right out of the gate because of all of the expectations we place on ourselves and others.

This causes stress, anxiety, and even depression.

How many times do you find yourself saying, “I can’t wait for the holidays to be over!”

So what can you do about it so that you can actually ENJOY this time of year instead of dreading it?

Our habits also play a big role in all of this stress because we have created “holiday habits”.

These are habits that show up around the holidays that are really just your normal habits with a little extra.

I am talking about how you respond to what is going on.

What habits do you fall back on during stressful times, especially when there is stress around those expectations?

Let’s create some awareness about your thought process.

What would it FEEL like to say, “I LOVE the holidays because I can sit back and enjoy them stress-free!”

First of all, look at all of the things you “THINK” you need to do.

What self-imposed expectations have you placed on yourself?

Do you:

  • Feel obligated to get EVERYONE in your life a gift?
  • Feel that you must decorate every inch of your home or it won’t be a holiday?
  • Feel that you have to prepare a 7-10 course meal for each holiday?

What are the expectations you are faced with from family and friends?

  • Is EVERYONE expecting a gift from you?
  • Is everyone in your family expecting you to prepare the meals and host the parties?

And what behavior or reaction to those expectations do you have:

  • Break the bank just so that you can meet the expectations of the gift-giving?
  • Kill yourself to get ALL of the decorations up and then DREAD having to put them all away?
  • Exhaust yourself, alone, in the kitchen creating an amazing spread while spending ZERO time enjoying it with your family?

What if, instead, you:

  • NOT getting everyone a gift and breaking your bank in the process.
    • If you still feel compelled, then MAKE something that will be LITTLE investment
  • Only put up the IMPORTANT decorations and as you put them up, reflect on the stories behind each one and share it with your family.
  • Enlist the help of the family by each person making a dish (even if nobody is coming over, you can get the husband and kids involved) AND the clean-up after so that there is more time to spend engaging with them.

Now, look at all of the things that you think HAVE to do.

I am specifically talking holidays here because sometimes, what we think we have to do is not what we have to do at all.

Maybe, those have to do’s can be downgraded, or even eliminated and replaced with something else.

Ask yourself: “what IF I don’t do XYZ?”

And figure out if it is TRULY something you HAVE to do.

That being said, there are some things you CAN do to help keep the stress at bay:

STOP DOING SO MUCH

Too many activities, even if they are fun activities, can culminate in too much holiday stress and leave us feeling frazzled, rather than fulfilled.

STOP EATING, DRINKING, AND SPENDING SO MUCH

Too many parties and gift-giving occasions lead people to eat and drink too much. This also causes an increased need for spending, not just on gifts, but also on food and drink! The end result can leave lasting consequences on our health and financial wellness.

Remember, IT’S OK TO SAY NO!!!

SET YOUR PRIORITIES

It’s essential to be around friends and family (as the pandemic guidelines will allow) but you don’t need to overdose on it.

Small doses spread out can be just as enjoyable and rewarding as one or two HUGE gatherings without the fatigue and over indulgences.

And you don’t have to attend every single one of them!

Stick to your budget and don’t break the bank on gifts!

CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS AND SET BOUNDARIES

If you change or even eliminate the expectations, you eliminate the feeling of having to do everything for everyone in your life.

You also need to set boundaries, not only for your friends and family but for yourself.

MAKE TIME FOR SELF-CARE

Stop using the holidays as an excuse for not taking care of you!

Make time for exercise every day, even if it’s a 20-minute walk.

Sit in quiet for at least 30 minutes a day (a hot bath, meditation, yoga, etc.) so that your sympathetic nervous system can have a break!

SAY NO when it is not a resounding YES!

Ladies, life it too short to be stressed, especially around the holidays.

We have enough stress in our lives without creating more.

If you would like more tips and tricks while creating awareness, read my blog post Surviving the Holidays from last December.

And, if you would like to go deeper into how you can make these changes so that you can actually ENJOY the holidays without the stress, let me know!

I would love to continue the conversation with you to see where you are and how to get you to where you want to be.

Chances are, all of these things are not showing up for you JUST around the holidays, they just seem EXTRA this time of year.

Ladies, I can help with that! Just click here and book your FREE 30 minute Breakthrough Call.

Our Fear Response

Here we are again.

More COVID, more pandemic, more isolation, more uncertainty, more fear.

Are you someone who is succumbing to the fear?

Look at your behavior.

Are you GLUED to the news and can’t get enough?

Are you going beyond your normal stocking up at the store and actually OVER buying things…like toilet paper?

Are you resisting the fact that you need to wear a mask in public and practice social distancing?

Are you short-fused, when that is not normally your response reaction?

How about your money situation…are you worried you don’t have enough?

Ladies!!!!

This is ALL a good indication that you are operating out of FEAR!

Let’s look at how this fear is affecting your life.

You may be procrastinating more.

What goals did you set your sites on and now, they seem unreachable because you have taken to staying glued to your television or other habits that keep you distracted from taking action?

If you experience anxiety, it may be heightened because of all of the uncertainty there is in our world right now and you can’t let go of what if xxx bad happens?

If you were someone who grew up in a world of uncertainty-not enough money, not enough food, not enough jobs, etc.-you may be triggered by the state of the world now.

Let’s look at how this affects your health.

Fear prepares us to react to danger which in turn causes our body to release hormones that:

  • Slow or shut down functions not needed for survival. Things like the digestive system.
  • Sharpen functions that might help us survive (such as eyesight). 
  • Increased and blood flow to muscles so we can respond faster and remove ourselves from the impending danger.
  • Our body also increases the flow of hormones to an area of the brain known as the amygdala to help us focus on the presenting danger and store it in our memory.
  • The brain reacts to signals from the amygdala, hindering rational thinking
  • When in this overactive state, the brain perceives events as negative and remembers them that way, storing them for future reference.
  • The brain stores all the details surrounding the danger—the sights, sounds, odors, time of day, weather, etc.
  • These memories tend to be very long-lasting, and may also be fragmented.
  • The details will act as triggers later and in severe cases causing PTSD

As you can see, fear serves a purpose, however, we are generally responding in a state of fear that can lead to greater, hindering responses and can ultimately affect your health and wellness and cause long-term effects.

So what can you do?

First of all, fear is normal.

Our fear response is designed to keep us safe.

Yes, we are in a pandemic and we all want to be safe, but when we operate out of fear, we are succumbing to responses that aren’t serving us mentally, physically, and emotionally.

2020 has been difficult for everyone.

Everyone has been afraid.

Sit back and look at how the world is responding.

We went from the toilet paper hoarding to stories of people actually hurting each other over wearing a mask or not.

What???

How is that a solution?

This CLEARLY is not rational behavior!

And seeing other people do it is contagious!

No wonder we are struggling!

We want to feel in control and shopping makes us feel more in control.

Trying to control others makes us feel more in control.

When the truth is, we have no control.

The only control we have is how we respond.

So I encourage you:

  • Create some awareness
    • Look at your habits and behaviors-how are you responding to situations?
    • Take a deep breath-are you reacting rationally or are you responding based on someone else’s response?
  • Do things that make you happy-what brings you joy?
    • Make that list now!
  • Stop watching the news!
    • The news is designed to keep us in a fearful state because it increases ratings and gives them stories to report on.
    • Find other reputable sources to obtain the FACTS
  • Maintain a routine
    • This involves creating positive habits that keep you functioning in a higher resonating state which will help keep the fear at bay

I hope that that this helped create some awareness of your fears.

If you are ready to DETOX 2020 and let go of your fears by creating lasting habits and working through the hard stuff, let me know.

I have a 6-week program designed just for you and it starts Monday, January 4th.

We will be eliminating fear, ending self-sabotage and procrastination, creating lasting habits and so much more!

Click here to sign up!

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