Control-Revisited

I started blogging several years back and successfully finished TWO blogs. This was my very first one and I am sharing it with you now because I started to write another blog about CONTROL and thought, why not share this one instead?

This is my first time blogging…that being said, those that know me, know I have a lot to say about things that go on in my life and the lives that surround me.  I don’t claim to be an expert, but I do have some insight to situations and opinions that most people find interesting.  Most of my insight and opinions come from MY life experiences, which, I will eventually share throughout the life of this blog.  I have “coached” friends and family through difficult, trying times and they all can quote me in saying “My door is always open if you need to talk, need advice, or just need a kick in the ass to get moving.  You may not like what I have to say because I will tell you how it is, but my insight just may, at the very least, get you thinking.”

So…my first blog is about control.  In a nutshell, the basic meaning equates to regulating and/or ruling a person and/or a situation.  Now, while you are thinking about the meaning of control, you are also probably trying to figure out what kind of control applies to you and if you are truly “in control”.  Most of you will say to yourselves, I have control.  I can control all situations that I am in.  I can control my spouse and his/her behavior.  I can control my children and their behavior.  And on, and on…but the reality is…YOU HAVE NO CONTROL!  Control is an illusion.  The only “control” you have is over how you REACT to a person, situation, behavior, etc.  And even at that, your reaction falls into the definition of choice.  Example…you may say now “I can CONTROL if my child misbehaves in public”.  If you think about this statement as it is, you know it is untrue.  Now, replace that sentence with “I can choose how to REACT if my child misbehaves in public”.  This is a more realistic statement.  Now, I want you to think about all situations/people that you are trying to control.  Check in with yourself now and connect with how these “control” thoughts make you FEEL.  A little anxious?  A little nervous?  BINGO!  Do you know why?  It’s because…you truly have no control and you are trying to find a way to control whatever it is.

I know many of you reading this are thinking I am full of crap because you have your entire life under control. This is so not true. But…you are free to believe whatever you want, but I would love for you to try, for just one minute, to let that thought process go and see what happens. Take a situation that you think you have control over and replace the thought with, “if this is happening or going to happen, how am I going to respond”.

The topic of control is a big one and I could go on for days siting examples of where it just doesn’t work. I know because I used to be like those of you that think you can control everything, but the more I tried to control, the more out of control I became. I was obsessed with making things just so in every part of my life. The harder I tried, the harder life became for me. One day, I just couldn’t take it anymore and I let go. I decided that I needed to focus on ME and my thoughts and feelings and I soon learned that was the ONLY thing I could really control.

So, for all of you still “controlling” everything, how is your life going? How are people around you responding? Are you where you want to be? Are you surrounded by people that love and support you? And the most important question? Are you happy?