We as humans seem to intentionally or unintentionally hurt each other all the time. I am not strictly talking about physical pain, but emotional pain as well. The way we speak to each other, the way we treat each other, and the way we ignore and neglect each other are ways we inflict this pain. Unfortunately, this pain is part of life. Everyone experiences pain. It’s inevitable. Along with pain, generally, comes suffering. Suffer, the root of suffering is defined by Miriam Webster as:
- to submit to or be forced to endure
- to feel keenly
- labor under
- undergo, experience
- to put up with especially as inevitable or unavoidable
- to allow especially by reason of indifference
Here’s something you may not know…pain is part of life. Pain comes from events or experiences that may not be in our control. Pain is inevitable. Suffering, on the other hand, is a choice. Yes, I said it. Suffering is a CHOICE!
I know some of you may be hating on me right now and ready to throw whatever you are reading this on across the room, but hold on. Let’s talk about someone you love who passes away. That is something COMPLETELY out of your control. And along with that, comes great pain. That is part of the process, a part of life. Now, it has been months down the road and you are wallowing in your self-pity and you start to experience anxiety and depression. You start to lash out at your loved ones. You just can’t seem to get past the pain. You are consumed all the time by memories, which keep triggering this roller coaster of emotion. THAT is suffering. You are choosing to hold onto that pain. You are maybe doing it to satisfy a need. A need to feel connected, to feel loved, to feel important. Can you see how this works?
I am not saying you shouldn’t grieve or feel the pain. In fact, I think you should very much sit with the pain and let it flow through you. Find an outlet like a journal, a therapist, a coach, or a good friend to help you through the pain so that you can release it. You are not a martyr by holding onto it and please do not use it to manipulate others to get what you need. I am not, for one minute, suggesting that you let go of the memories. What you need to let go of is the suffering that you are creating around those memories. You should really take a look at how you are reacting when those memories surface. Memories are blessings. They are gifts and should not be associated with suffering. Cry it out! Yell it out! Do whatever action that helps you to move past it. Don’t crawl into it. Don’t let it consume you. If you are at this point, you need help to work past it so do yourself a favor and reach out! Suffering does not have to be a part of the grief!
Now, let’s look at the rest of your life. If you are choosing to suffer, you are not living. How are your interactions with your kids and your spouse? How is your interaction with the people you work with? Are you showing up every day? Are you out in the world, contributing and making a difference? If not, you are missing out. You are not living. So ask yourself, what do I need to do to get my life back and get out of the suffering and into the living? You are worth so much more than suffering in the pain. The pain will start to ease, so start today to take that step and move into the living. I am here to help and I believe in you!
