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We as humans seem to intentionally or unintentionally hurt each other all the time. I am not strictly talking about physical pain, but emotional pain as well. The way we speak to each other, the way we treat each other, and the way we ignore and neglect each other are ways we inflict this pain. Unfortunately, this pain is part of life. Everyone experiences pain. It’s inevitable. Along with pain, generally, comes suffering. Suffer, the root of suffering is defined by Miriam Webster as:

to submit to or be forced to endure
to feel keenly
labor under
undergo, experience
to put up with especially as inevitable or unavoidable
to allow especially by reason of indifference

Here’s something you may not know…pain is part of life. Pain comes from events or experiences that may not be in our control. Pain is inevitable. Suffering, on the other hand, is a choice. Yes, I said it. Suffering is a CHOICE!

I know some of you may be hating on me right now and ready to throw whatever you are reading this on across the room, but hold on. Let’s talk about someone you love who passes away. That is something COMPLETELY out of your control. And along with that, comes great pain. That is part of the process, a part of life. Now, it has been months down the road and you are wallowing in your self-pity and you start to experience anxiety and depression. You start to lash out at your loved ones. You just can’t seem to get past the pain. You are consumed all the time by memories, which keep triggering this roller coaster of emotion. THAT is suffering. You are choosing to hold onto that pain. You are maybe doing it to satisfy a need. A need to feel connected, to feel loved, to feel important. Can you see how this works?

I am not saying you shouldn’t grieve or feel the pain. In fact, I think you should very much sit with the pain and let it flow through you. Find an outlet like a journal, a therapist, a coach, or a good friend to help you through the pain so that you can release it. You are not a martyr by holding onto it and please do not use it to manipulate others to get what you need. I am not, for one minute, suggesting that you let go of the memories. What you need to let go of is the suffering that you are creating around those memories. You should really take a look at how you are reacting when those memories surface. Memories are blessings. They are gifts and should not be associated with suffering. Cry it out! Yell it out! Do whatever action that helps you to move past it. Don’t crawl into it. Don’t let it consume you. If you are at this point, you need help to work past it so do yourself a favor and reach out! Suffering does not have to be a part of the grief!

Now, let’s look at the rest of your life. If you are choosing to suffer, you are not living. How are your interactions with your kids and your spouse? How is your interaction with the people you work with? Are you showing up every day? Are you out in the world, contributing and making a difference? If not, you are missing out. You are not living. So ask yourself, what do I need to do to get my life back and get out of the suffering and into the living? You are worth so much more than suffering in the pain. The pain will start to ease, so start today to take that step and move into the living. I am here to help and I believe in you!

When I woke up this morning, the sun was barely peeking up over the horizon. I am very fortunate that all I have to do is roll over in my bed and watch the day come alive. The air was crisp and cool from last night’s rain and the smell in the air was fresh and alive. As the sun got higher, the birds started chirping. Louder, more frequent and intense with their song. My thoughts did not immediately go to everything I needed to do today. My first thought was coffee! But seriously, my thoughts were also all about how wonderful this life is that I have and how grateful I am to make this time to wake up with the sun and the birds. And yes, still coffee!

I have been thinking a lot about the pace at which people live their lives. I have so many people in my world that are constantly on the move. Constantly on the go. Constantly “busy”. They have kids that need to be shuttled from here to there all the time. They have demanding jobs that have them running. They have demanding husbands who don’t really help, or rather, some don’t LET them help, maintain the daily requirements of living. There are so many things that can become more important than slowing down and actually living life. I know, because I was one of those. I wasn’t just “busy” and running constantly. I was in a true state of chaos. It was so much a part of me that I thought that what living was supposed to be.

I want to honestly share with you why my life was this spinning wheel of chaos. It actually took me years to actually see what was happening. It was a great example of “you don’t see it when you are in it”. You only start to see it when you are out of it. So, I can tell you I was filling my life with things so that I didn’t have to focus and deal with the truth. My reality. Some things were necessary and had to be a part of my life. But I allowed those things to take over. And then I added more things. This went on for years. Really, almost two decades. That’s a long time. And I was tired.

When I started to slow down and actually make time for me and work on everything I was avoiding, I found that I was not just running through my life, I was running away from and running to something all at the same time. I was stuck, running. It was like being in limbo, and my “busy” state of life was really just avoidance. A defense mechanism that kept me from having to stop and actually walk through my life instead of run.

For those that are experiencing life this way, I am here to tell you, YOU ARE NOT LIVING! Constantly running does not make you a superhero. It doesn’t let you be the real person that you are. It doesn’t allow you to live. It’s all a facade and it’s time to stop.

I challenge you today to take 30 minutes and just be. Take that 30 minutes and sit or walk and just observe everything around you. Smell the air, feel the wind. Watch the sun. Hear the birds. You don’t have to think. You don’t have to feel. You don’t have to fix. You don’t have to run. JUST BE! I promise, your world will not fall apart. It will all still be there waiting for you when you resurface.

I recommend that you do this every day. Pretty soon, it will become such a part of your day it will become your safety net. You will start to slow your pace. You will start to find the courage to deal with whatever it is that you are running from or to. Let it happen. Let yourself live! You deserve it and I believe in you!

Tag: live

Surviving the Pain

Slow Down!