health |

December 2, 2019December 2, 2019

Moving On

This is a short reminder about moving on. There are times in each of our lives that we have to decide to move on. We have given everything we have to a job, a relationship, a project, or whatever we invest so much of ourselves into. What is the tipping point that brought you to realize that enough is enough?

I have recently hit my own tipping point with a job at a company I loved, but I could not give anymore. So much so that it was eating away at my spirit because I was spending more time working than I was spending on me and my dreams. I felt stuck which caused me to start spiraling into depression and anxiety. I was physically ill and had trouble finding my way through the day. I finally made the decision that I had to move on.

My husband also had a recent experience with his job. He has worked really hard to get to where he was in his position. He started at the very bottom and worked his way into management within 2 years. And in the next 3 years, proceded to become the top supervisor in his company running the biggest job site with the largest team. He is very proud of his accomplishments and I am over the moon proud of him. But the stress was taking its toll on his emotional, physical, and spiritual health. He is an extremely passionate, artistic, and creative person and he lost his desire to do the things he loved. He reached his tipping point and decided it was finally time to move on.

Sometimes, making the decision to move on is the hardest part. Some people have no problem moving on in certain areas of their life, but many of us have trouble making the decision to take action. There are a ton of emotions that come into play. When you have put so much time and energy into something and it has become a part of our everyday life, we may feel anxious, depressed, sad, and angry. We may also experience feelings of fear, failure, and not feeling worthy.

The anxiety comes when you don’t have a plan. The depression comes when you think about what you had and think that you need to get back there. Sadness comes because you will now have to grieve the relationships and the life you had during that time. Anger comes when you start beating yourself up with the “what ifs” and the “why couldn’t I make this works”. Add all of these emotions to the fear of not knowing what is next, the feeling of failure, and the not feeling worthy…you have just graduated to the feeling of overwhelm. And this becomes the tipping point. We either stay in this state and it continues to get worse, or we decide it is time to move on.

Some of us have a belief that we are supposed to “suck it up buttercup because we HAVE to work and we may not like it, but too bad. You can’t get anywhere in life without working hard”. While I agree with only part of that (the working hard part), I don’t believe you have to suck it up. Sure, you need money to live and you need money to survive and God forbid, we need insurance coverage which often comes from your employer. But!!!! WE SHOULD NOT BE KILLING OURSELVES FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM…EVER!!!!! This is something that took me a very long time to learn, but I survived and am here to help YOU stop the madness.

I am here to tell you, first and foremost, YOU are the most important in this scenario of life. When your physical, emotional, and mental well being is being challenged every day and you start to fall into illness, poor decisions, and feelings of hopelessness and overwhelm, IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON. Yes, you will still feel the sadness, the anger, and even have to grieve what once was. If you are making a move to improve your health, then embrace that! Hang onto that! That is where you start. Remember, your health and well being is WAY more important than that job, that toxic relationship, or anything else that is causing you to feel this way. You can make a plan. Make a list of things you want to do. Make a list of where you want to be. Then start looking into what needs to happen for you to get there. When you are moving on from a job, then research companies you would like to work for. Or, look into ways you can start your own business doing something you love. This is your life. You are the writer of your story. You are the only one that can make your life happen the way you desire. You deserve to live your best life so take that step and move on. I am here and I believe in you!

July 25, 2019July 25, 2019

Self Forgiveness-Revisited

This is my second blog ever so I thought it was a good one to share with you. It has been many years since this was written, and I have come a long way, but by no means am I an expert yet. Self forgiveness is a process and one YOU can start to master all on your own. Healing is an important part of the journey and it always has to start with you.

Have you ever intentionally or unintentionally regretted doing or saying something and then continued to “beat yourself up” over and over again? I think it is fair to say that we are all guilty of this. I also know that this can cause great trauma to our spirits and emotions, causing the trauma to be so severe that it derails and even debilitates our lives. We re-live the action or conversation and continually try to find ways that we could have handled it better. This causes a negative thought process to begin and the spiral continues. Pretty soon we are so consumed by the negative thoughts that depression and/or illness start to set in and we try and find ways to deal with the depression and/or illness when we should try and find the root cause and start working on a little thing called “self forgiveness”.

I have been working daily on my own self forgiveness. There are situations and choices I have had to make in my life that have, for good or bad, affected other people in hurtful ways. I do not mean the hurtful ways were created from my anger or out of malice. I am, after all, human and we are all guilty of hurting out of anger or malice. As difficult as it is, the most painful hurts I have created were caused by choices I needed to make to better myself and stop my own hurt. There is a ton of guilt about being selfish and not caring that the choice may hurt someone else. Unfortunately, my upbringing instilled a lot of the unhealthy values and thought processes that I am trying to deprogram along with working on my self forgiveness. I never really had a childhood, constantly having to put my life aside to be the adult at a very early age. In that, I always put everyone else first, mothering, nurturing, teaching, and surviving for everyone else but me. Now, as an adult, I struggle every day with setting boundaries and saying no to protect myself from any further spiritual and emotional damage. Along with all that comes the guilt and in steps my attempts at self forgiveness. This is is how I manage to work on it every day:

Think about the choice to be made. Is it truly a choice that will better ME or am I truly making the choice out of anger or malice? Chances are, these kind of choices are being made because of a very unbalanced and unhealthy environment or situation. If you are programmed as a caretaker/enabler the way that I am, this is where the self hate and hurt begin.

What has led up to this choice? Has it been a path of unhealthy self destruction? If yes, then make a change-no matter who it will hurt, but try and do it as gracefully, FOR YOURSELF, as possible. At the end of the day, this is a necessary choice to save YOU!

When making the change, try and stay out of the negative. Find your positive and what good will come from the choice you are making-no matter how small. Once you find one positive, more will follow. We naturally want to be in a positive state of mind, we just get in our own way and allow the negatives to take over. You will see…the law of attraction will snow ball from everything you are thinking and the intentions you are putting out to the universe, so keep the positives coming!

Once you have started the positive thought process, you need to start the self forgiveness.

Acknowledge that you allowed yourself to stay in the situation that you are in-either from old programming, guilt, self destruction, self punishment, etc. Then, tell yourself that it IS OK. You had yet another lesson to learn from this life.

Now, acknowledge that you may hurt or anger people in the choice you are making. It is ok. You cannot protect everyone-you need to protect YOURSELF. If you are coming from a place of love and warmth while making the choice, or even if you come from anger, others are going to CHOOSE to react the way that they do and their reactions are not your responsibility. You cannot control the reactions from others.

Once you have acknowledged the situation that has caused you make this choice and acknowledged the hurt and anger it may cause others, start telling yourself “I forgive myself” and immediately start thinking of your positives and why you POSITIVELY are making the choice. I find this the most difficult. Someone very dear to me gave me forgiveness affirmations to do every day, which I do. However, the most difficult part is saying them while looking at myself in the mirror. This goes back to actually deprogramming all the pain and hurt and trying to believe that I am truly forgiven. I work on it every day.

Yes, all this seems like a lot of work and, in the beginning, it truly is. I am, however, finding it gets a bit easier every day if I use the tools and actually work the process. Again, the law of attraction and positive thinking along with the affirmations make it easier to get to the point of self forgiveness.

Try these affirmations first thing in the morning, saying them out loud (eventually looking in the mirror) and see how you feel as you say them. Really pay attention to how your body and feelings resonate with what you are saying. Take your time and FEEL.

“I forgive myself for judging my feelings.”

“I forgive myself for becoming upset and moving out of my center.”

“I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made, the mistakes I am making, and the mistakes I will make.”

“I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy.”

“I am a radiant being filled with light and love.”

Until next time, forgive and be kind to yourself!

June 23, 2019June 23, 2019

All In A Day

Changing your thought process is necessary when you find yourself falling into negative self talk and negative thoughts. Once you succumb to the negativity, it may be difficult to get back to the other side. The positive side. The side where change actually happens. The place where happiness and love reside. It can be done and with little effort. All it takes is changing how you think, because how you think dictates how you feel. There a few coin phrases that help to remind us that really, anything can happen in a day.

What a Difference a Day Makes-Yes, you may think it sounds like a cliche, but it really is truth. Everyone has a bad day now and then. It’s how you choose to deal with it that makes all the difference. Anything can happen in a 24 hour period (a day) so if you can find a way to make it through while changing whatever negative thoughts you are having into positive ones, then you will make it. Focusing on the negative will only bring more negative. Don’t believe me? Retrace your events for that day and check in with how you were thinking and feeling. Can you see how a simple, positive thought could have changed everything?

There’s Always Tomorrow-For me, every tomorrow means a fresh slate. A reset. A chance to start over. Please don’t take this to mean that you should take any day for granted. Spending time with those you love, making connections with people that are important to you, and just reaching out should never be put off until tomorrow. Let’s be real…there is always the chance that tomorrow may not come. What I am talking about here is reflective of your work, your stresses, and anything else that is overwhelming you that you have no control over. If you have work piled up on your desk, do your best to make a dent, but know that it will always be there tomorrow. Don’t let your stress consume you to the point that you are over working yourself and getting stressed out. That does not help anything, nor does it get the work done. Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day!

One Day At A Time- No, I am not talking about that early 80’s TV sitcom that some of us know and love. You may be more familiar with the recovery programs that have coined the phrase for good reason. Each and every day is new. Each and every day allows you to make progress while focusing on what is right now. Don’t worry about yesterday, and don’t fret about tomorrow. Just make it through today.

Life is short! Spending that time in constant stress and worry day after day will never get you to where you need to be and will only bring you more worries. Your physical and mental health will decline, your relationships will decline, and you may find your way spiraling down, far away from where you want to be. You have the power to break the cycle. Live for right now. Live for today, while paving the way for a brighter future. You CAN do it, one day at a time! I believe in you!!!

March 3, 2019March 3, 2019

Self Care

Have you ever been going so hard and fast that you get to the point where you just want to shut down and curl up into a ball and pretend the world didn’t exist? Do you want to go to that yoga class or start eating healthy but there is just no TIME? Do you want to take a vacation but just can’t seem to unplug completely from the world, your job, your life?

If you are like me, this sounds all too familiar. I am guilty of letting my time be consumed by everything other than what is truly important. Taking care of ME! My lack of self care has manifested in so many ways. Illness, stress, depression, anxiety, and down right feelings of lack of control of my life and a lack of progress in manifesting my desires. It has to stop!

I have workaholic tendencies and fall too easily into believing that if I am not constantly working, I am not making progress. I also have the tendency to put everything in front of what I need. I am a caretaker, I am a people pleaser, and I am always looking for the distraction to not focus on what I need. That is, until this year. I made a promise to myself (NOT a resolution) to make more time for me. It has been very difficult to make these changes, but has been so rewarding. It has only been a couple of months, but I can already feel and see the shift happening. I know deep down inside that I cannot be the best version of myself until I make time for myself and just do ME!

Selfish? Maybe. But it has been a long road and I got to the point that I just could not give anymore. My mental and physical well being was in serious jeopardy. Some of the challenges I am and have faced are having to step back from everything. I am definitely getting push back in some of these areas, but I know it will be temporary. However, this all causes me great anxiety because I know where I need and want to be, but am trying to move mountains to find a way to get there. I have a ton of emotions and feelings coming up that I am having to work through, and I am ok with it. I know it is only helping me grow and be the best version of myself. I get overwhelmed at times and that is ok too. It gives me a chance to step back, take a breath, and start over.

So…what am I doing for self care? First and foremost, I am SLOWING DOWN! Running a million miles an hour at everything all at once only causes more stress and anxiety. I am taking everything one day at a time. Stopping to rest and “smelling the roses”. I take every opportunity to enjoy the views around me and the time I spend with those I love. Yep, some days that means just sitting and vegging out on tv, the sky, a book, or whatever I feel at the moment. I am also getting back to my yoga practice and adding more days during the week for my Tai Chi practice. I have an hour commute each way to and from work so I use that time as my rolling classroom. I listen to all of my favorite audio books by my favorite authors, coaches, and speakers. I tap into podcasts and online trainings from everyone in my business organization. I practice my daily affirmations and visualization exercises.

Is it working? Heck yes! I am getting stronger and more confident. I am finally ok with telling people “no” when the ask doesn’t serve me or I just can’t make it happen. The most difficult part is saying “no” without the guilt, but I am there…most of the time.

A great analogy that was recently shared with me: you have a pitcher of water and several glasses to fill. You pour all of the water into the half of the glasses but your pitcher has run out. The next step…fill the pitcher again and fill the remaining glasses. YOU are the pitcher! When you are empty, there is nothing more to give. Take the time to fill up your pitcher! What are you going to do today to practice self care?