empowerment |

June 23, 2020June 23, 2020

Choosing Your Tribe

Do you have a dream or a goal you are shooting to achieve?

Are you SOOO excited because achieving that dream or goal could LITERALLY change your life?

Do you have people around you that are excited for you and supportive of you, NO MATTER WHAT?

How about that same support for everything you do?

Is your spouse supportive of your efforts? How about your parents?

As much as I would like to say yes, that is the case for most of us, it, unfortunately, is not.

When we launch something big or even do something that WE want to do that falls outside of the expectations of our loved ones, we generally do not have the support of those closest to us.

Why is that?

Well, if you are embarking on something so big that will not only change YOUR life but theirs as well, they may experience fear. And we all know how fear can dictate EVERYTHING!

There could also be a lack of understanding. If you have kept a dream or goal to yourself, like starting a business, and then suddenly come home and announce that you are quitting your job and going all-in on your business, it can be quite alarming to your family.

Especially if they depend on your stable income. This could be a shock and with no other conversation around it, it can cause some issues.

We have all types of relationships in our lives that influence our decisions.

I have talked to so many women that are not even TRYING to shoot for their dreams because of what the family, husband, or friends might think.

I also have talked to women that have tried and given up because they did not have the support they needed.

It is so important to have support because change is hard.

Part of this change is learning how to set boundaries.

Mel Robbins said:

“Boundaries are the courage you need to put yourself 1st. They are the fence around the yard called your life.”

She also said (and I LOVE this one):

“Boundaries are the no trespassing sign between where you end and someone else begins. They make you treat people how you want to be treated.”

Take a look at your “tribe”. The people you spend the most time with. Are these people supportive of you? Do they encourage you?

Or do they break you down and make you feel bad? Do they discourage you from going after your dreams?

Seriously, take a look because you will only be as good as those you surround yourself with.

If you are wanting to go after a dream or achieve a goal and nobody supports you, the chances of you succeeding are slim to none.

You are worth more than that so it’s time to thin the herd.

Now, I am not saying that you need to get a divorce or cut all of your friends and family out of your life.

As long as these folks aren’t toxic, then they can stay. You just should not turn to them for support.

Set your boundaries. Set them for yourself so that you won’t have any expectations from these folks. If they get on board, cool. If not, move past it.

Set boundaries so that they do not badmouth you or your dream. Don’t allow them to tear you down.

Remember, when you are trying to do something “out of the box”, non-traditional, or something different, the people closest to you are afraid for you.

They are afraid of your failure.

And they are afraid of your success.

So one of my experiences is (and you can probably identify with this) were my several network marketing endeavors.

I have been with a handful of companies. It was NEVER easy for me because my family was always poor and didn’t believe in any alternative ways to make money other than working. Sometimes working more than one job.

When I discovered network marketing, I thought I had hit gold as we all do. The problem was, I didn’t have enough belief in myself that I could actually be successful so I would quit.

I would look to my family and then eventually friends for support but only got negative judgment and no support at all. So I would quit.

I would go back to working more than one job.

And the next opportunity would show up and off I would run excited right back into the same non-supporting environment.

I REALLY wanted to be financially free and have time freedom.

And I REALLY wanted to help people.

But I couldn’t get out of my own way.

My dream was not bigger than the people I depended on and their opinions.

Fast forward to now…I decided I needed to take this journey to become a Transformation Success Coach.

Now was the time.

I had the full support of my husband, but, it is still difficult because he doesn’t quite get it.

But he is learning and he is trying.

My friends have been 100% supportive.

My older generation family members are still not quite sure what I do and how I can make a living at it because, well, we will just chalk it up to the “old school” mentality.

So what’s different now?

My friend base has changed a bit.

I no longer surround myself with those that were not supportive and only gave me negative judgment.

I realized it wasn’t just about what my dream was, they were like that no matter what was going on.

People who love you get REALLY uncomfortable with change and growth because they may not be ready to walk alongside you.

And that’s ok!

It has nothing to do with me so I now limit my exposure.

I don’t talk too much about what I do around my family.

If they ask, I give them a brief update.

If they start spinning off onto a tangent of negativity or misunderstanding, I don’t waste energy explaining.

I just politely say this is what I am doing, I love, and I am good at it.

That usually ends the conversation…until the next time and I say it all again.

I am now connecting with like-minded women.

Due to the amazing ability of connection through social media platforms, I am able to connect and support and receive support from women who are just like me.

In return, we lift each other up and encourage each other on our journeys.

Doing these things has really helped my mindset and the belief I have in myself.

I encourage you to take a look at your tribe.

See who fits and who doesn’t and start surrounding yourself with those who support your dreams.

Find mentors or a community of like-minded people who will inspire you, encourage you, hold you accountable, and challenge you.

If you are the smartest person in the room, you need a new tribe.

If you are the most positive person in the room, you need a new tribe.

If you are reaching for big dreams and working on goals to get there and your circle is content with mediocrity and comfort, you need a new tribe.

I am here to help!

If you are ready to take the steps to grow, learn, strive, and thrive, contact me!

I have a new program specifically for ladies wanting to start or grow their own businesses and who are ready to LAUNCH where we work on mindset mastery and actionable strategies without all of the fancy websites, followings, and click funnels.

I also still have my program for ladies who want to grow and step into their power of financial, spiritual, and emotional strength but may not be looking at the business aspect.

Either way, I have a solution for you!

Don’t let the investment in yourself be a hindrance to your success!

But you have to contact me so that we can look at where you are and find a solution to get you to where you want to be. Click on my calendar link and let’s get started!

http://bit.ly/TiffenysBreakthroughCall

March 23, 2020March 23, 2020

Boundaries

Let’s talk a little bit about boundaries. You know how I love to define everything so let’s look at what boundaries are:

From Wikipedia: Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.

I love how Mel Robbins explains boundaries.

“Boundaries are the courage you need to put yourself 1st. They are the fence around the yard called your life.”

Well, that’s great, but how do you know when you should set a boundary? You can identify where you need to set some boundaries by asking yourself some questions:

Do other people’s needs seem more urgent than yours?
Is your energy level drained?
Do you hate to disappoint people?
Are you afraid that if you don’t do what people ask they will be mad at you?
Do you feel as if your kids or your friends run your life?
Do you have a hard time saying no?
What am I allowing to happen in my life?

Beware, there is often a negative stigma when it comes to boundaries. Boundaries are often associated with something BAD you have to do and for God’s sake, you should NEVER have to set boundaries because if you do, there is something wrong with YOU.

I am here to tell you that boundaries are necessary. Boundaries are needed for self-protection.

Boundaries are also needed for those who have difficulty dealing with those people who don’t have boundaries themselves.

Boundaries should be set for others that come into your world and boundaries should be set for yourself.

Ultimately, setting any boundaries should be viewed as a form of protection for YOU.

Mel Robbins says:

“Boundaries are the no trespassing sign between where you end and someone else begins. They make you treat people how you want to be treated.”

You may need to set boundaries for toxic people in your life. You may need to set boundaries for yourself when it involves toxic people in your life.

But beware that when you do this, the outcome may not be pretty.

The other person may see it as a threat or an attack on them and will definitely play on any weakness you have to try and manipulate you to get you to do what they want.

So I suggest you start small and you get crystal clear with what your boundary will be or is. You also should COMMUNICATE it to the person. Don’t just expect them to KNOW.

AND, you have to be prepared to FOLLOW THROUGH or they will not take you or your boundaries seriously.

If you are someone who is an adult child of an alcoholic/addict, a co-dependant, or someone that is in need of constant approval, setting boundaries is going to be difficult for you…in the beginning. I speak from experience as someone who is an adult child of an addict/alcoholic, a co-dependant, and a person that was CONSTANTLY seeking approval.

I was a “good girl”. I never rocked the boat. I did everything everyone ever asked of me. I NEVER caused a scene.

And it was slowly KILLING me.

I have SO many examples I could share with you from my life, but I am going to spare you and only share one. Probably one of the BIGGEST of my life.

It involves my mother.

My parents divorced at 5 and mom found a new boyfriend in what seemed like minutes and she moved him right in.

It wasn’t long before the abuse started. First, he started with her and then moved on to us. We weren’t just physically abused, but severely mentally abused as well.

And then my world shattered and she married this man and we were made to call him Dad.

This contributed to my finding ways to be invisible. Don’t draw attention to yourself. ALWAYS do what you are told and be a good girl. But constantly trying to get the attention of the only person I needed it from…my mother.

Of course, this was not a sustainable relationship between my mom and the “step-father”. It finally ended when he chose another woman over my mom, which, in turn, made her spin out of control.

At 12, I became the adult female in our house while mom continued to plummet. Drugs, pills, alcohol, suicide after suicide attempt, going through men like they were water. You name it.

But I still sought her approval. I needed her recognition and attention. I never got it.

I just developed codependent behaviors that I carried with me well into adulthood. I was the fixer and the caretaker of all things, including my mother.

After many years of watching my mother killing herself with the drugs and alcohol and coming to the realization I will never get the mother I wanted, I set the biggest boundary of my life.

One final trip to the ER to rescue her from a fake “chest pain” incident so that she could get pain meds and get high, I hit my limit.

I told her that if she didn’t get into a program and work on her shit in therapy, we were done. And I meant every word.

Two months later, I got a call from my now step-father saying that mom was getting help. I asked where and he said the methadone clinic.

I said not good enough. No treatment and no therapy, no relationship with me.

As I hung up the phone, I never felt more empowered in my entire life.

On a deep, beyond the surface level, I knew that I had just saved my own life.

It has been around 10 years since I have had a relationship with her and I have to say, nothing has changed for her. She is still the same person I let go of so long ago.

Had I continued down that path I was on with her, I would not be where I am today. Strong enough to stand in my own truth and able to help other women who struggle.

So, that is one example of a BIG boundary. Not every boundary you set needs to be this extreme, however, I hope that as you gain more confidence, you also start to feel more empowered.

No matter how big or small you think the boundary is, its effect is the same. A necessary aspect of life to keep you safe from the toxicity around you.

So start practicing saying no.

Start practicing setting limits to what you will put up with from other people.

Set limits within yourself so that you can abide by your own rules.

Remember, YOU are in control of YOU. Nobody else has the right to overstep and take your power away so don’t let them!

Do you want to dive deeper into how to set boundaries in YOUR life? Book your free 30-Minute breakthrough call today! Just click HERE for access to my calendar!

August 4, 2019August 4, 2019

Relationships

Just a quick note about relationships: Relationships are important. Relationships are necessary. Relationships should also be healthy and based on open trust and communication, although, some relationships can be difficult, even toxic. We deal with all types of relationships every day. The important thing to remember about relationships is to always maintain honesty and respect, not only for others, but for yourself. If you don’t have that, the relationship will never survive.

I was raised in an environment where the only healthy relationships that existed for me were with my father and his side of the family. Unfortunately, I only had time with them every other weekend until I was in 8th grade, but it was enough to establish a base line for my later years when I was FINALLY able to rid myself of toxic relationships and really cherish the ones that serve me. I realized that I needed to let go of expectations and that I cannot control another person’s feelings or reactions. And most importantly, I learned to let go of the toxic relationships that did not serve me. It was difficult to let some of those relationships go, but it was also very empowering.

I have recently done some reflection on my relationships and how I interact with others. I am learning that as I continue to grow in love, my relationships are growing in love too. I can honestly say that I am incredibly blessed to have healthy, successful relationships in my life.

If you find yourself caught up in a difficult relationship or a relationship that isn’t going the way you planned, you need to check in with yourself. Do you have open, honest communication with this person? Do you have expectations of this person that have not been expressed? Do you look to change something about this person? Is the relationship serving you or do you spend more time fighting and trying to find happiness within the relationship?

When you create a relationship with someone, remember that it is two sided, a give and take, so if you want to have a good relationship, you need to nurture that relationship with love, honesty, openness, and communication. We often place all kinds of expectations on the people we have relationships with and those expectations tend to backfire because they are often not communicated to the other person, therefore turning a two way relationship into a one-sided, uphill battle.

One last thing…we were not put on this earth to change people. It is not our job to judge or decide how someone should live. We were put here for a ton of different reasons with a few of them being kindness, acceptance, and love. If a relationship just does not work, walk away and focus all of that energy into something good. Stop wasting your energy on something that will never be. As hard as it is to walk away, it is even harder to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Remember, your relationship will mirror what you are putting into it. If there is no trust, honesty, and love, then chances are, you don’t see those things in yourself. Look inside yourself and take this as an opportunity to focus on you and improve your life. I believe in you!