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April 13, 2020April 13, 2020

What is Your Plan During Uncertainty?

Today I want to talk about money and career/jobs and ask if you are prepared for your next move.

When we are in such an uncertain time with a forced stay at home order, some may be able to survive by just working their jobs at home and some will have to take a layoff order and file unemployment.

If you have your own business, the physical brick and mortar locations are forced to close while other service types or sales businesses that can be worked from home tend to slow down and even come to a halt because people are scared to spend money.

Which of these are you?

Me, I fall into a couple of these categories. I have a full-time accounting job (that I was laid off from, called back in 24 hours later, and now am just waiting to see what happens next), and since I started writing this, I was laid off again.

While the stay at home orders were being issued all over the state I live in, I was still having to drive to the office every day. My company didn’t believe in working from home. It’s all about butts in seats for them. A very old-school way of thinking. That is, until our Governor made it mandatory state-wide. I was able to work from home for 2 weeks and I am so grateful that I had that time to keep earning.

I also have my coaching practice. This, I do from home, but I recognize the state of the economy now and am shifting a bit with my focus and offerings. I aim to be visible and available while offering as much support as I can.

And, I have my husband. He is considered “essential”. He is in the construction industry, which thank goodness, has not ceased yet. He also holds his Master Plumber license so he can provide service to those in need of a plumber.

What would happen if we became unable to work?

My husband and I talk about this at length. Although we are so grateful he still has his job during this unsettling time, the reality is imminent. We could both become unemployed…at any given time.

Are we set up for this? I have to honestly tell you, no. We are not.

You see, we were doing great, but he had to step away from a better paying job at the end of last year so that he could improve in his career. He took a month off to study and test for his Master Plumber’s license and then had to take a position with a company making about 60% less than what he was making.

He had to do it though. And the timing wasn’t great because here we are.

My practice slowed down quite a bit so my secondary income has also slowed down quite a bit.

I have become unemployed, although temporary, I just don’t know for how long.

And out of this, we have used most of the savings up because of living between his unemployed month and reduction in income.

So we are sitting in the same place as most of you all are. And knowing that unemployment really only covers about 1/4 of our living expenses is no help.

But our mindset is that of survival. We are grateful now for what we have and we have faith that we will come out of this just fine.

So what do you do?

First things first. Check-in with your mindset. Are you freaking out? Are you ONLY focused on what you DON’T have? If so, that isn’t going to help your situation AT ALL.

You need to make a plan. You need to make a plan NOW, not when it’s over.

Look at your spending habits over the past couple of months. Where is that money going? Is there anything you can live without for a couple of months?
How about TV/Cable? Is there any miscellaneous spending you are doing for things that are not necessities?
Create a budget
- Base your income on the guaranteed minimum. If it is unemployment, base it on that amount first.
- List out the necessities and dollar amounts of things that you NEED to survive:
  - Rent/Mortgage
  - Electricity
  - Gas
  - Water/Sewer
  - Phone
  - Auto-lease/note
  - Food
  - Auto-Gas (if you are still working and need to drive to get there)
- Is your income enough to cover these items? If the answer is no:
  - Figure out how much you can pay for each one if you can pay any of it.
  - Don’t look at the payment as what you are SUPPOSED to pay, rather look at it as how much you CAN pay at this time over the next month or so.
  - Contact the companies and tell them your situation and how much you CAN pay, if any. Believe me, these companies are going to work with you.
Get your resume updated!
- People are still hiring. You can take a temporary job until you figure this all out. Let go of your ego! Go work at the grocery store stocking shelves. Go work in the Amazon warehouse. Find something to supplement your income for now.
- You need to be applying to jobs all over the place. What if your current company doesn’t come back from this? You need to be prepared to hit the ground running. Plus, interviewing is a great practice!
Take that class/training you have wanted to take but haven’t had the time for.
Have you thought about starting your own business? Do it now!
- It doesn’t happen overnight, so get it all ready today so that you can be ready to hit the ground running.

Don’t wait for this to be all over before you get started, guys. This is too important!

Remember to focus on only the things you CAN control and you CAN control how you respond to all of this. Take a proactive stance. Stop being reactive!

And don’t forget, I am here to help! If you need someone to bounce ideas off of. If you need some added support. If you are already a boss babe or are looking to become one, I can help with those wanting to grow their businesses or ladies who are just starting and need some help. If you are considering becoming a coach, I can help with that too! NOW IS THE TIME LADIES!

I have space in my 1×1 Action for Change coaching program for those who are ready to take some action TODAY so that they can be ready for tomorrow.

If any of this is appealing to you, let’s talk about it! Book some time on my calendar for a free 30-minute breakthrough session so that we can where you are headed!

April 1, 2020April 1, 2020

Surviving a World of Uncertainty

The world is CRAZY right now! Many of you are thinking “How in the heck am I supposed to keep a positive mindset when I don’t even know if I am going to have food to put on the table right now?”

The key IS your mindset.

I am always saying thoughts become things.

Your THOUGHTS create feelings and your FEELINGS create your ACTION.

So think about the toilet paper situation-yes, the toilet paper. It’s what is happening right now and it’s a good metaphor to see how this all transpires.

When someone starts to think “what happens if the world shuts down and I run out of toilet paper?” That thought then creates a feeling of fear and lack. So, in response to that feeling, said person decides to take action and runs to the store to buy as much toilet paper as he or she can to ensure that he or she will not run out, thinking this will dissipate the fear.

Did the fear go away? No!

Because it isn’t about the toilet paper at all. It’s about how the person is thinking about what is going on.

How could this have been different?

By reframing the original thought.

Now, I want you to know that I am not looking at this situation through rose-colored glasses and not believing this is a real pandemic. Quite the contrary.

I am fully aware of the severity of the situation. I am being affected by what is going on around me directly.

I have elderly, not well parents that could be literally taken out if they caught this virus.

My Tai Chi center closed until further notice so that we can participate in the social distancing.

We have a friend that stayed with us a couple or weekends ago and was not aware that his mother, who lives with him, has not been feeling well the past few weeks. Her doc asked her to come in and there was a good chance she may have needed to be tested.

Which meant our friend would have had to be tested and in turn, if that test came back positive, we would have had to be tested.

Good news, Mom only had one of the symptoms and actually had a sinus infection causing her to feel yucky.

A couple of weeks ago, I was laid off from my job. Fortunately, I called back and a week later, was told that we were all going to start working from home because of the state mandated Stay at Home order.

Everything is still uncertain for me as to if I will have a job tomorrow.

Does any of these scenarios cause fear within me? A little, sure.

However, the difference with how I am CHOOSING to respond is how I look at the situation. My thoughts around what is going on may be quite different than yours. I am NOT living in a state of fear and allowing it to consume me.

Am I concerned about our medical system? Am I concerned about my future and how I am going to come out of all of this, especially since I just launched two program offerings RIGHT BEFORE this all went down?

Sure I am! But it is NOT dictating my life.

I am carrying on, business as usual, with even more passion, vigor, and drive. I know this is all temporary. We will come out of this.

And, I look at this as an opportunity. An opportunity to educate, create awareness, and hope that I can make a difference in someone else’s outlook, which is life-changing.

I am the beacon of light in a dark situation. I know this. This is my gift and what better time to burn the light even brighter?

I went live last Sunday in my private Facebook group, from my bed (because it was self-care day) and again Monday morning and talked about the state of fear we, as a society, are operating in and how we can survive the state of uncertainty. I also posted about gratitude and how gratitude is the antidote to fear.

I practice gratitude every. Single. Day. All. Day.

It is the number one way to stay resonating at my highest power and combat fear or any other feelings of uncertainty.

In addition to gratitude, here are 4 things that you can do to make this time a bit more bearable:

Move your body-exercise is the number one top thing you can do to mitigate depression and anxiety. It releases all of the feel-goods that we need in our bodies to maintain a healthy outlook, not to mention it makes us physically feel good.

Talk about your feelings-holding in is never good no matter the situation. My husband and I talk every night about the things that transpired during the day and discuss how we feel about it and what our next steps will be.

Be hyper-aware of what you are consuming from the media and eliminate that which does not serve you. The media is not necessarily your friend. Don’t take their updates as truth. Question everything. The news is here to instill the fear so that you stay glued to the TV which increases ratings. That’s all. Do your research. Stay educated but not through the news or what people post on social media.

Only focus on what you can control. You can’t control what is going on “out there”. You CAN control how you respond. You CAN control if you wash your hands or keep the social distance. You CAN control if you are bombarding your thoughts with fear-based information.

So, check-in and see how you are responding to what is going on around you. If you are stuck in a state of fear, choose to get out!

Start implementing gratitude and the 4 recommendations and start to thrive in this horrible situation.

As always, you can contact me anytime. I am here for you. If you would like to get a bit deeper with this topic and are considering hiring a coach, contact me! Here is the direct link to my calendar. I offer FREE 30-minute breakthrough calls to see where you and how to get you to where you want to be. Just click Here-http://bit.ly/TiffenysBreakthroughCall

March 23, 2020March 23, 2020

Boundaries

Let’s talk a little bit about boundaries. You know how I love to define everything so let’s look at what boundaries are:

From Wikipedia: Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.

I love how Mel Robbins explains boundaries.

“Boundaries are the courage you need to put yourself 1st. They are the fence around the yard called your life.”

Well, that’s great, but how do you know when you should set a boundary? You can identify where you need to set some boundaries by asking yourself some questions:

Do other people’s needs seem more urgent than yours?
Is your energy level drained?
Do you hate to disappoint people?
Are you afraid that if you don’t do what people ask they will be mad at you?
Do you feel as if your kids or your friends run your life?
Do you have a hard time saying no?
What am I allowing to happen in my life?

Beware, there is often a negative stigma when it comes to boundaries. Boundaries are often associated with something BAD you have to do and for God’s sake, you should NEVER have to set boundaries because if you do, there is something wrong with YOU.

I am here to tell you that boundaries are necessary. Boundaries are needed for self-protection.

Boundaries are also needed for those who have difficulty dealing with those people who don’t have boundaries themselves.

Boundaries should be set for others that come into your world and boundaries should be set for yourself.

Ultimately, setting any boundaries should be viewed as a form of protection for YOU.

Mel Robbins says:

“Boundaries are the no trespassing sign between where you end and someone else begins. They make you treat people how you want to be treated.”

You may need to set boundaries for toxic people in your life. You may need to set boundaries for yourself when it involves toxic people in your life.

But beware that when you do this, the outcome may not be pretty.

The other person may see it as a threat or an attack on them and will definitely play on any weakness you have to try and manipulate you to get you to do what they want.

So I suggest you start small and you get crystal clear with what your boundary will be or is. You also should COMMUNICATE it to the person. Don’t just expect them to KNOW.

AND, you have to be prepared to FOLLOW THROUGH or they will not take you or your boundaries seriously.

If you are someone who is an adult child of an alcoholic/addict, a co-dependant, or someone that is in need of constant approval, setting boundaries is going to be difficult for you…in the beginning. I speak from experience as someone who is an adult child of an addict/alcoholic, a co-dependant, and a person that was CONSTANTLY seeking approval.

I was a “good girl”. I never rocked the boat. I did everything everyone ever asked of me. I NEVER caused a scene.

And it was slowly KILLING me.

I have SO many examples I could share with you from my life, but I am going to spare you and only share one. Probably one of the BIGGEST of my life.

It involves my mother.

My parents divorced at 5 and mom found a new boyfriend in what seemed like minutes and she moved him right in.

It wasn’t long before the abuse started. First, he started with her and then moved on to us. We weren’t just physically abused, but severely mentally abused as well.

And then my world shattered and she married this man and we were made to call him Dad.

This contributed to my finding ways to be invisible. Don’t draw attention to yourself. ALWAYS do what you are told and be a good girl. But constantly trying to get the attention of the only person I needed it from…my mother.

Of course, this was not a sustainable relationship between my mom and the “step-father”. It finally ended when he chose another woman over my mom, which, in turn, made her spin out of control.

At 12, I became the adult female in our house while mom continued to plummet. Drugs, pills, alcohol, suicide after suicide attempt, going through men like they were water. You name it.

But I still sought her approval. I needed her recognition and attention. I never got it.

I just developed codependent behaviors that I carried with me well into adulthood. I was the fixer and the caretaker of all things, including my mother.

After many years of watching my mother killing herself with the drugs and alcohol and coming to the realization I will never get the mother I wanted, I set the biggest boundary of my life.

One final trip to the ER to rescue her from a fake “chest pain” incident so that she could get pain meds and get high, I hit my limit.

I told her that if she didn’t get into a program and work on her shit in therapy, we were done. And I meant every word.

Two months later, I got a call from my now step-father saying that mom was getting help. I asked where and he said the methadone clinic.

I said not good enough. No treatment and no therapy, no relationship with me.

As I hung up the phone, I never felt more empowered in my entire life.

On a deep, beyond the surface level, I knew that I had just saved my own life.

It has been around 10 years since I have had a relationship with her and I have to say, nothing has changed for her. She is still the same person I let go of so long ago.

Had I continued down that path I was on with her, I would not be where I am today. Strong enough to stand in my own truth and able to help other women who struggle.

So, that is one example of a BIG boundary. Not every boundary you set needs to be this extreme, however, I hope that as you gain more confidence, you also start to feel more empowered.

No matter how big or small you think the boundary is, its effect is the same. A necessary aspect of life to keep you safe from the toxicity around you.

So start practicing saying no.

Start practicing setting limits to what you will put up with from other people.

Set limits within yourself so that you can abide by your own rules.

Remember, YOU are in control of YOU. Nobody else has the right to overstep and take your power away so don’t let them!

Do you want to dive deeper into how to set boundaries in YOUR life? Book your free 30-Minute breakthrough call today! Just click HERE for access to my calendar!

March 4, 2020March 4, 2020

How to Survive Anxiety

There are so many people in my life that struggle every day with anxiety, including myself. I have worked with several clients on how they can manage their anxiety. It almost seems like an epidemic in this world we live in.

When I first learned about my own anxiety, I felt helpless. I felt broken. I felt out of control.

I was, what I thought at the time, in a good relationship. What I didn’t know, was that relationship was going to trigger so many things in my life to cause me to start spinning out of control.

The biggest contributor was his inability to hold down a job and our ever-growing debt.

I was a control freak and I could not MAKE him get a job. I could not MAKE him keep a job. I could not MAKE him stop spending our money as if we had it.

The more I tried to control this and MAKE him do things, the more OUT OF CONTROL I became, and the MORE I tried to control.

I was spiraling deeper and deeper into the “oh my God, how are we going to pay this…how are we going to pay that…” mindset.

I was exhausted. I was scared.

At the time, I had no idea what was causing my anxiety or how I could make it stop.

I also kept my anxiety a secret because of the “mental health stigma”, which caused me even MORE anxiety. My God, what if someone found out!

Now, this was many years ago. Before there was an open awareness of this affliction, so I turned to my doctor for help and she prescribed medication and told me to get a therapist.

I was really hesitant to take the medication. My mom was addicted to pills and I have extreme sensitivity to almost every medication, including Advil, so I was hesitant.

I had already done therapy so I knew how therapy worked. I didn’t need to look at my past anymore and I knew enough about what was going on to know that I needed help with right now so I could stop worrying about the FUTURE.

So I took the meds which helped enough to allow me to research my anxiety.

So, what is anxiety?

Anxiety is your body’s natural response to stress and a feeling of fear or apprehension about what’s to come. The what if’s of the FUTURE.

This can lead to physical things happening within our bodies. Rapid heart rate, fast and shallow breathing, sweating, feelings of nausea, and other things. And, one of the big ones…the fight or flight feeling.

Of course, anxiety can affect everyone differently so you may or may not experience some or all of these physical responses.

Anxiety can be normal in stressful situations such as public speaking or taking a test. But, anxiety can also manifest just from thoughts we have or situations we are in where we feel fear. Real, honest to goodness, fear.

And then, everything can spiral out of control and the anxiety takes over, causing you to literally become debilitated from the fear.

But rest assured, no matter how bad the anxiety gets, it won’t kill you. So out of anything you take away today, I really want you to know this. ANXIETY WILL NOT KILL YOU. Even though it can feel that way sometimes.

When someone suffers from anxiety, it’s not enough to change negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Actually, this is probably the LAST thing they need to hear because it is something that can be literally impossible to do depending on how severe the anxiety is. What needs to be addressed goes a bit deeper than just a positive thought.

It starts with awareness. One thing I can say for sure, is I now KNOW when my anxiety is coming on. People with anxiety tend to be hyper-aware of the feeling once they can identify it. Where there is a lack of awareness is what is CAUSING the anxiety. And THIS is where you can actually stop the anxiety in its tracks!

So, how do you get to the root cause?

Some things that you can do when you feel your anxiety kicking in:

Take some deep breathes

Sit with the anxiety. Remember, it stems from the FEELING of fear or apprehension about something in the FUTURE

Try to identify what that something is

Check-in with your thoughts.

I then recommend writing it down, acknowledge it. This way, it is somewhere that you can refer to and no longer swimming around in your head.

Understand that your mind is playing tricks on you, and in fact, could be lying to you so question it!

And bring yourself back to the present using affirmations, gratitude, and meditation.

Find someone to talk to. Someone you trust that can help bring you back to your present self.

Lastly, Remember, diet and exercise with adequate sleep are great ways to manage anxiety.

You don’t have to suffer!

If you are ready to dive deeper into this or any other subject you are working through, book a call with me here and let’s get you on your way!

August 4, 2019August 4, 2019

Relationships

Just a quick note about relationships: Relationships are important. Relationships are necessary. Relationships should also be healthy and based on open trust and communication, although, some relationships can be difficult, even toxic. We deal with all types of relationships every day. The important thing to remember about relationships is to always maintain honesty and respect, not only for others, but for yourself. If you don’t have that, the relationship will never survive.

I was raised in an environment where the only healthy relationships that existed for me were with my father and his side of the family. Unfortunately, I only had time with them every other weekend until I was in 8th grade, but it was enough to establish a base line for my later years when I was FINALLY able to rid myself of toxic relationships and really cherish the ones that serve me. I realized that I needed to let go of expectations and that I cannot control another person’s feelings or reactions. And most importantly, I learned to let go of the toxic relationships that did not serve me. It was difficult to let some of those relationships go, but it was also very empowering.

I have recently done some reflection on my relationships and how I interact with others. I am learning that as I continue to grow in love, my relationships are growing in love too. I can honestly say that I am incredibly blessed to have healthy, successful relationships in my life.

If you find yourself caught up in a difficult relationship or a relationship that isn’t going the way you planned, you need to check in with yourself. Do you have open, honest communication with this person? Do you have expectations of this person that have not been expressed? Do you look to change something about this person? Is the relationship serving you or do you spend more time fighting and trying to find happiness within the relationship?

When you create a relationship with someone, remember that it is two sided, a give and take, so if you want to have a good relationship, you need to nurture that relationship with love, honesty, openness, and communication. We often place all kinds of expectations on the people we have relationships with and those expectations tend to backfire because they are often not communicated to the other person, therefore turning a two way relationship into a one-sided, uphill battle.

One last thing…we were not put on this earth to change people. It is not our job to judge or decide how someone should live. We were put here for a ton of different reasons with a few of them being kindness, acceptance, and love. If a relationship just does not work, walk away and focus all of that energy into something good. Stop wasting your energy on something that will never be. As hard as it is to walk away, it is even harder to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Remember, your relationship will mirror what you are putting into it. If there is no trust, honesty, and love, then chances are, you don’t see those things in yourself. Look inside yourself and take this as an opportunity to focus on you and improve your life. I believe in you!

July 2, 2019July 2, 2019

Control-Revisited

I started blogging several years back and successfully finished TWO blogs. This was my very first one and I am sharing it with you now because I started to write another blog about CONTROL and thought, why not share this one instead?

This is my first time blogging…that being said, those that know me, know I have a lot to say about things that go on in my life and the lives that surround me. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I do have some insight to situations and opinions that most people find interesting. Most of my insight and opinions come from MY life experiences, which, I will eventually share throughout the life of this blog. I have “coached” friends and family through difficult, trying times and they all can quote me in saying “My door is always open if you need to talk, need advice, or just need a kick in the ass to get moving. You may not like what I have to say because I will tell you how it is, but my insight just may, at the very least, get you thinking.”

So…my first blog is about control. In a nutshell, the basic meaning equates to regulating and/or ruling a person and/or a situation. Now, while you are thinking about the meaning of control, you are also probably trying to figure out what kind of control applies to you and if you are truly “in control”. Most of you will say to yourselves, I have control. I can control all situations that I am in. I can control my spouse and his/her behavior. I can control my children and their behavior. And on, and on…but the reality is…YOU HAVE NO CONTROL! Control is an illusion. The only “control” you have is over how you REACT to a person, situation, behavior, etc. And even at that, your reaction falls into the definition of choice. Example…you may say now “I can CONTROL if my child misbehaves in public”. If you think about this statement as it is, you know it is untrue. Now, replace that sentence with “I can choose how to REACT if my child misbehaves in public”. This is a more realistic statement. Now, I want you to think about all situations/people that you are trying to control. Check in with yourself now and connect with how these “control” thoughts make you FEEL. A little anxious? A little nervous? BINGO! Do you know why? It’s because…you truly have no control and you are trying to find a way to control whatever it is.

I know many of you reading this are thinking I am full of crap because you have your entire life under control. This is so not true. But…you are free to believe whatever you want, but I would love for you to try, for just one minute, to let that thought process go and see what happens. Take a situation that you think you have control over and replace the thought with, “if this is happening or going to happen, how am I going to respond”.

The topic of control is a big one and I could go on for days siting examples of where it just doesn’t work. I know because I used to be like those of you that think you can control everything, but the more I tried to control, the more out of control I became. I was obsessed with making things just so in every part of my life. The harder I tried, the harder life became for me. One day, I just couldn’t take it anymore and I let go. I decided that I needed to focus on ME and my thoughts and feelings and I soon learned that was the ONLY thing I could really control.

So, for all of you still “controlling” everything, how is your life going? How are people around you responding? Are you where you want to be? Are you surrounded by people that love and support you? And the most important question? Are you happy?

February 22, 2019February 22, 2019

Having a bad day?

So, you are having a bad day. It started first thing in the morning when you overslept and were late getting out the door and you HAD to be in the office by 8am. You spilled your coffee and had to change. You got in the car and started driving…straight into a traffic jam. You were TRYING to be calm and patient, but it seemed that the Universe was throwing everything it had at you. And then…you spilled your coffee AGAIN! You thought you may as well turn around, go back home, and write this day off as a loss. But you were stuck in that traffic jam with nowhere to go but straight to the office. You couldn’t help but wonder if you were being punished for something.

You FINALLY made it to the office, 20 minutes late for your meeting and frazzled by the morning’s events. You are just settling in, and the meeting ends, earlier than anticipated, so you missed the entire thing! You make it to your desk, open your email and find that your boss had emailed you several times with items that you made errors on and they need to be fixed ASAP. (Why is he constantly picking on me?) Your phone rings, more problems. (Why is this happening today?) Your office manager comes to chat, more problems. (Can’t someone else handle this?) And then you realize, you forgot your lunch. UGH!!!!

I am sure everyone can identify with some version of a bad day. But what makes a day “bad”? Well, for one, your mindset. It’s easy when things don’t go as planned and to play the victim. It’s difficult to look at the situation and say, “what have I done to cause this?” or “what is the universe (insert your version of divine energy) trying to tell me?”

With this example, the very first instance of oversleeping was just the beginning. Our first reaction is to fly out of bed and run around trying to get ready quickly. The reality is, you are just causing yourself more anxiety about being late and causing other things to unfold. Here is a thought: acknowledge the time, and then tell yourself I am good! I have plenty of time to get where I need to be. And if I am a few minutes late, no big deal! You make the appropriate calls/texts to alert others that you are running behind and then carry on with getting ready…in a calm manner. I bet the remaining events happen very differently or don’t happen at all. Maybe, they push the meeting by half an hour. Maybe, you are walking out of the door calmly and the traffic jam is only a 2 minute slow down to get around a stalled vehicle. Maybe you are in the car listening to your favorites songs and you just don’t care. You are grateful be where you are.

Your mindset has everything to do with what happens to you. You can’t control anything, but you can control how you react. You may still have the bad day, but you can dictate how bad it really is by changing your energy and thoughts around it. It may seem far-fetched for those who are not as versed in this mindful thought process, but I recommend you try it. Then, throw a little gratitude in there and see what happens!