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December 23, 2020December 23, 2020

Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work

We are coming out of one of the most difficult years our world has seen in quite some time.

All of the uncertainty and change has created a state of unrest and massive fear.

And this will be the PERFECT time to start thinking “I am going to change XYZ starting January 1”!

Yep, that New Year’s Resolution.

But let me ask you, what happened on January 1, 2020?

What “resolution” did you make?

How did it work out for you?

I bet it didn’t and I bet you are saying “It didn’t work for 2020 because of XYZ (pandemic, election, etc.) but 2021 is MY YEAR!”

Immediately, you looked at something outside of you to blame.

But did you actually change what was going on on the INSIDE?

I have never been one for “resolutions”.

They rank up there with “diets” and I believe setting you up right away for failure because of the stigma just around the words themselves.

Generally, people make resolutions like “I am going to lose 50 lbs”, or “I am going to eat healthily”, or “I am going to work out every day”.

And then, January 1 hits, and you are off and running, pushing yourself toward the idea of what you think you want, and then by mid-February, give up because you are so overwhelmed with the sudden changes that you don’t believe you will ever make it.

This same process occurs when we try to make other lifestyle changes and pool them into the “resolutions” category.

So now, let’s look at the definition of “resolution”. It means “a firm decision to do or not to do something”.

That’s it.

When we make resolutions, we have every intention of doing whatever it is, but we don’t have a plan.

We don’t usually have systems set up to help us succeed so, we quit and inevitably, fail.

There is also an “all or nothing” attachment to whatever that something is.

Intention, on the other hand, is “a thing intended; an aim or plan” and a goal is “the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result” and goal setting “involves the development of an action plan designed to motivate and guide a person or group toward a goal”.

Intention and goal setting go hand in hand. It is the expansion of a resolution because we actually can take action by implementing small steps that are mapped out in a plan.

And because the plan involves steps, you need to be specific.

So, instead of making a resolution of “I am going to lose weight”, make an intention of “I am going to lose 20 pounds this year and I am going to get there by taking these steps….” and actually WRITE out your plan, break it down into daily manageable steps.

As you accomplish each step, you check it off the list and receive instant gratification and a feeling of accomplishment. Then you do the same thing the next day.

Now, take it one step further.

Think about how you want to FEEL if you accomplish this goal.

THAT is the true magic behind the success. We aren’t seeking the outcome, we are seeking how we want to FEEL about the outcome. How do you feel when you are 20 pounds lighter?

Do you feel healthier, happier, more comfortable in your body?

Do you feel sexy and confident?

That is what you are really after!

Lastly, if you fall down, and you will, brush yourself off and try again.

There is no “all or nothing” when you are working toward a goal.

When you fall, reflect on what happened to make you fall.

What can you do differently the next time?

This is all part of the journey. And this is where you will grow.

You will be able to set intentions and make a plan to get you there.

Notice I did not say “fail”.

To fail means to “be unsuccessful in achieving one’s goal”.

If you are constantly working, falling, getting back up, and starting again, this is not failing in my eyes.

As long as you don’t give up, you won’t fail.

I challenge you to sit down and look at the things in your life you want to achieve.

Weightloss, conquering your debt, or any behavior you would like to change.

Pick the top, most important item on that list and decide how you are going to get there.

Map out your plan, set your intentions, and start!

Actually, LIST out each step and if you will need help, where will you find that help.

Don’t try and do more than one step at a time.

Once you have completed or mastered the first step, then move to the second step and so on until your goal is reached.

Then, move on to the next thing you want to accomplish on your list, rinse, and repeat.

Taking it one step at a time means progress so don’t try and overwhelm yourself trying to do it all at once.

Any lasting changes, behaviors, and habits you are trying to accomplish take time and practice.

This is a marathon, not a sprint.

This is a time of awareness and self-discovery.

This is a time of success, celebrating each small victory along the way.

This is how you create lasting results.

If you are ready to go deeper and ready to go into 2021 with an ACTION PLAN and doing the INSIDE work to make lasting change, I have the perfect program for you.

My 6-Week Mindset Detox program is here for you.

A small group of ladies coming together to inspire and support each other while doing a MASSIVE mindset detox.

We will be tackling all of the things that are taking up space in your life that need to be purged so that there is space for new, wonderful things to come in.

We will also be tackling all of those fears that impede progress as well as how to eliminate self-sabotage and procrastination by creating lasting, positive habits.

If this is something that interests you, contact me ASAP because there are only 10 spots and space is filling fast!

If you simply want more information, contact me!

February 19, 2020February 19, 2020

Shift Your Mindset and Let Go of Beliefs

Are you struggling with something in your life that is holding you back from moving forward? Do you want to change something about your life but just don’t know how?

Check your thoughts.

Are you stuck in a loop of negative self-talk and beliefs that no longer serve you? Do you have big dreams but “something,” tells you that you can’t ever achieve them because you aren’t worthy, you don’t have the experience, you don’t have the money…etc.?

How’s your mindset?

Mindset plays into everything we do or want to do in life. Here is why…Every ACTION is because of a FEELING and every FEELING is because of a THOUGHT you are thinking.

Let me repeat that. Every ACTION is because of a FEELING and every FEELING is because of a THOUGHT you are thinking.

It’s important to watch our thoughts because they:

Can send us down a rabbit hole
Can send us into the darkest realm of our mind
Can cause us anxiety
Can cause us to respond to things in a not so nice manner

What we put out to the universe, we get back because THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS! That’s right, manifestation right here. Negative attracts negative, positive attracts positive. Don’t believe me? Reflect on a “bad day”. It all starts when you miss your alarm and it all spirals from there. Chances are you, you are thinking “OMG! Can this day be over already? I just can’t win?” And more bad things keep happening. Now, reflect on a day when your mind was vibrating in a positive light and something goes wrong. You probably shrugged it off and said “It’s ok, I will get through it. It’s just something that happens” and you move on. This time, there is no bad stuff happening because you stopped it in its tracks. I originally discussed this specific example in a prior post Having A Bad Day?

So, what can you do to shift your mindset? First, it starts with awareness. Without awareness of what is, it is next to impossible to identify where the change needs to happen.

Finding awareness includes looking at your beliefs. A belief is an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists. It can also be referred to as an agreement. Something that was presented to you and you agreed to it or accepted it.

Your subconscious is fueled by your beliefs. Your subconscious mind actually creates your reality. Remember, thoughts become things. This has been proven with Quantum Physics. If you have a negative belief about something, then that negative belief will manifest through your subconscious and become your reality.

So how do we go about impregnating our subconscious with the thoughts and images that you WANT because THAT is what will show up in the physical reality of what is called YOUR LIFE?

Your subconscious mind is READY to receive when your conscious mind is not active. So right before you wake up or right before you fall asleep, that’s when you want to upload or install into your subconscious mind. Our subconscious just records what we put in and then plays back out into our life. So anything you DON’T want that may have been recorded, say when you were a child, is just in there playing back on a loop and hasn’t been taken out and replaced with a new belief.

The next step in shifting your mindset is recognizing your achievements. List out ALL of your achievements, yes, even those little wins because no matter how little, they still brought you that feeling of WINNING!

Next comes gratitude. Having a daily gratitude practice is probably the most important contributor to changing your mindset. Gratitude does not have to just be about the big things in your life. Actually, you should recognize all of the little things throughout your day because it keeps you in heightened awareness and resonating at a higher level within the Universe, which helps fuel the Law of Attraction. (Are you seeing a theme here?)

Now it’s time to talk about affirmations and mantras. I am going to tell you a secret…these only work if you BELIEVE them. Just saying them with zero emotion or feeling attached to them and “going through the motions” is an absolute waste of time. You may as well not even bother. BUT…if you are seeking a FEELING and can tie an affirmation or mantra to it…THAT is gold and when the magic starts to happen and the beliefs that no longer serve you will be replaced.

Finally, changing your mindset will not happen overnight. It takes consistency and practice every single moment of the day. It takes work but the result is so worth it!

I challenge you to sit down and examine your thoughts and beliefs. Make a list of those that no longer serve you and start the process of letting them go. It takes courage to look within ourselves and make a decision to change. Just remember, if you want something, you have to work for it and this is no different. I believe in you.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. If you would like to dig deeper, click here to schedule a free 30-minute breakthrough call with me and let’s get started.

Not ready to take the plunge but want to be inspired, click here to join my free Facebook group Women Taking Action for Change.

June 2, 2019June 2, 2019

Victim vs. Survivor

We all carry unwanted baggage from our past. Some of it is from poor choices we have made and some of it is from poor choices others have made that affected us. If you are someone who directly suffered or witnessed abuse and trauma, this may hit home. My intention with this topic is to bring awareness to those who may not understand the difference and possibly facilitate a deeper understanding of the differences, and in turn, show compassion and love for those who have suffered. Also, to help quick start the process for those stuck in victim-land start to make the transition to survivor-hood and live a much more fulfilling life.

Let’s get one thing clear. Abuse and trauma can take many forms, and although physical abuse is so detrimental, emotional abuse is almost more devastating because the physical impact eventually fades, but the emotional impact stays forever. The general consensus used to be, to have suffered abuse and trauma, one would have had to have physical representation, i.e. bruises, scars, cuts, scrapes, broken bones, etc. Sure, that is truth when physical abuse is present, but you can’t SEE emotional abuse. It is very common for those who have suffered or witnessed physical abuse to block it out and then have to deal with the affects later in life. Anxiety, depression, mental illness, eating disorders, and addiction are some of the affects of not dealing with these traumas directly. I am grateful that we live in a time that is starting to understand the deep impact of emotional abuse, not only to those who were recipients of abuse, but to those who were around and witnessed abuse of someone they love and now carry that emotional scarring with them.

Now, let’s talk about the differences between the victim and the survivor. Let’s dig a bit deeper than the words themselves and talk about the characteristics and the behaviors of the two:

The Victim

Webster’s definition of victim is ” one that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent ” and ” one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions “. Although we may all fit into this definition based on our background and upbringing, it is how you choose to deal with it that keeps you in the category of being a victim. I personally have been the victim of abuse, neglect, and addiction but I chose at a very young age that being a victim does not define me. It does not define my behavior or my life.

The Survivor

A survivor is defined as “to remain alive or in existence (live on); to continue to function or prosper. This is someone who has been through trauma and is still carrying all of the baggage that comes with it, including the emotional damage, but chooses to work through it to have a better life. Everyone has the power within them to be a survivor. It is more than a mindset, it is a lifestyle. Words, actions, and choices are made based on experience.

How does the survivor compare to the victim? Well, I define myself as a survivor. Yes, I had horrible things happen to me in my childhood and early adult years. I also struggle with anxiety and depression caused by these traumas, however, I choose not to succumb to the detriment of being a victim. I choose to look at every experience I had and use it to make me strong. To learn, and to overcome, and in turn, help others do the same. Does that mean I am completely healed of the trauma. Absolutely not! It just means that I face every one of those traumas head on and do the work to come through to the other side. Sure it is difficult. Some days are better than others and the more work I do, the more work I have to do. I know that there is no “cure” and I work every day to push through. Here are the tools I use to help me:

Journaling: this is a fabulous way to get out of your head! Getting the raw emotions onto paper allows you to look at what is happening in a fresh light. Journaling also allows you to express emotions that you don’t want to share or “take out” on others. It’s satisfying to know that you can freely express yourself, using whatever verbiage you choose, and then just crumple up that paper and throw it away! I also use journaling as a tool to go back and revisit certain situations and emotions I may have had and see how far I have come. Remember, journaling is for YOU! It’s not about writing for an audience.
Coaching: I hired a spiritual life coach (who has become a great friend and mentor) to help me work through some of the blocks I had from my childhood. Doing this kind of work was very freeing because it exposed some things that were buried deep down that I had trouble accessing on my own. This process has also rejuvenated my dream to become a Lifestyle and Success Coach so that I can help others with their journey to their desired lives.
Affirmations: I have daily affirmations that I say out loud to myself so that I can really HEAR them. I have daily affirmations and affirmations that are specific to what I may be feeling that day. Some days I force myself to say them because I may not believe what is coming out of my mouth, but the “fake it until you make it” mantra really holds key. You start to believe because you start to FEEL them. And that is where the true transformation begins (more on this in another blog). You may feel silly at the beginning, but once you start to really hear yourself and BELIEVE the words, your feelings start to change and your heart begins to heal, even just a little bit.
Read and Listen with Caution: I read and listen to a TON of self-help books. I use them as a guide for change, and also for reinforcement of the changes I have made. Depending on what you choose, it can change your mindset and your mood for the day. I have very long commute, so I listen to a few my favorite authors via Audible. I really enjoy these books because they are narrated by the authors themselves so you get more of the true feeling and it feels like they are doing a personal reading just for you!
- Mel Robbins
  - The Five Second Rule
  - Kick Ass with Mel Robbins
  - Take Control of Your Life
  - She also does free online coaching workshops that you can do at your own pace with daily/weekly videos) I also recommend subscribing to her email list and YouTube channels for daily/weekly motivation. Mel is no frills and tells it like it is, which is why I love her!
- Jen Sincero-
  - You are a Badass
  - You are a Badass at Making Money
- Rachel Hollis-
  - Gir,l Wash Your Face
  - Girl, Stop Apologizing
- Rhonda Byrne
  - The Secret
  - The Magic
  - The Power
Holistic Care: I see an acupuncturist and a chiropractor monthly at a minimum. Our bodies store trauma so deep that it can cause physical ailments and illness. This is where a lot of my deep-rooted work comes through. My body likes to hold onto things and bury it deep down, which contributes to my health issues. But hey! I am still doing the work and I am getting there!
Physical Activity: This is the quickest relief you can get from any anxiety, depression, or negative thought processes you may experience. I am a volunteer Tai Chi instructor. This form of moving meditation and health healing really facilitates the peace I need. Being an instructor allows me to give back and opens my heart for my own healing and the healing of others. I also practice Vinyasa style yoga and walks/runs outside.

Remember, you have the choice to make the change. Living the life of a victim is scary and unsatisfying. Choosing to have a fulfilled life full of wins and no fear is completely up to you. If you are ready to do the work, and make the transition from victim or survivor, pick a couple of tools from my list and get started! Don’t overwhelm yourself, but find a way to work one or two things in every day. You deserve to life the life you desire full of joy and happiness. Believe in yourself because I believe in you!

April 18, 2019April 18, 2019

Welcoming Change

Change is necessary. Change can be scary. Many of us fear change. I know this because I used to fear change for a long time and still do from time to time. The fear comes from the unknown and uncertainty of what is to come. Change often occurs because of an event that has happened or something that needs to be different. There are many different types of change. In the end…change is inevitable. We need change. We need change in order to grow, to improve, and to move past certain behaviors and feelings.

I have gone through many changes over the past 12 months. Some of the changes were out of my control. Some were made because of choices I had to make. Some of my changes were my best-friend moved to far away to another state, my husband and I purchased our first home together in the country, my sister and nephew moved to another state, my self-work of coming to terms with my spirit, and many other little changes in between.

A very significant recent change I have made is leaving my job. I am sharing this with you because I know many of you have been and probably are in a similar situation. I worked for an amazing company, but it is was time for me to leave. I was slowly losing “me” in my work. Sacrificing way too many hours trying to make it all work. I was starting to have serious anxiety and depression, which presented itself as anger, illness, and frustration. Having been here many times before, I promised myself long ago that I would never let myself get to this point again. The culture, the people, and the overall company were amazing so why in the world did I feel the need to make the change? First of all, I have been doing a ton of work on myself over the past 6 months. I have been doing some serious soul searching about my life and where I want to be. I can honestly say, I am firm in my discovery that I was meant for something greater than being a staff accountant and in order to realize my destiny, I needed to free up “my” time so that I could focus on the things that were important. I still need to work a job, but I need job that allows me to come in, do my best, feel good about what I have contributed, and leave the work at work where it belongs. I had lost “my” time and part of that was this blog. The other being my coaching practice, which I am in the process of rebuilding. I was meant to help others and now was the time to make the transition, even though I wasn’t ready in my mind, my spirit was SO ready. I quit my job without having another one, which was very scary, but I embraced the fear, and searched until I landed another position which will be exactly what I need and will allow me to have “my” time to continue my work in helping others. I am not in a position yet to leave the world of accounting, but I know that I am where I need to be right now.

Leaving my job is the perfect example of a change that needed to happen. From the outside, it appeared perfect, but from the inside, I was slowly withering away. Instead of crumbling and falling into the darkness that was quickly overtaking me, I decided to make the change. I decided to take control of the outcome and embrace what needed to happen.

Choosing to make change is a little easier to stomach in the end than change that is not welcomed or is unforeseen. Sometimes, making the decision to make the change is every bit as difficult as the actual change. This was the case for me when I decided to make my exit. I needed to make the change NOW so that I could begin the transition process and make room for all of the new possibilities to flood in. So, how did I get to the place where I could actually embrace this change? I dug deep. I weighed my outcome. I knew that I could stay, but I would have just been miserable, and in turn, unintentionally making those miserable around me. I was already suffering from depression and anxiety which, in turn, made it next to impossible to find the energy to do what I loved in the small amount of time I had in between work hours. I wrote in my journal, I meditated, and I tapped into my daily affirmations. I visualized what I needed as if I already had it. I was sad to leave the people who were truly family and I was afraid of where I would go next, but I knew I was headed in the right direction. I didn’t allow my fear of change to take over. I also had the support I needed. Support from friends and family. Support from my co-workers and boss. Support from a loving husband who believed in me.

In the end, I am right where I need to be. I am taking the next step in my journey of life. I am happy with my choices. I am excited for new things to come. I am excited to have the time to start building my practice again and helping others. This would not be the case if I hadn’t embraced the change that I needed to make.