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December 2, 2019December 2, 2019

Moving On

This is a short reminder about moving on. There are times in each of our lives that we have to decide to move on. We have given everything we have to a job, a relationship, a project, or whatever we invest so much of ourselves into. What is the tipping point that brought you to realize that enough is enough?

I have recently hit my own tipping point with a job at a company I loved, but I could not give anymore. So much so that it was eating away at my spirit because I was spending more time working than I was spending on me and my dreams. I felt stuck which caused me to start spiraling into depression and anxiety. I was physically ill and had trouble finding my way through the day. I finally made the decision that I had to move on.

My husband also had a recent experience with his job. He has worked really hard to get to where he was in his position. He started at the very bottom and worked his way into management within 2 years. And in the next 3 years, proceded to become the top supervisor in his company running the biggest job site with the largest team. He is very proud of his accomplishments and I am over the moon proud of him. But the stress was taking its toll on his emotional, physical, and spiritual health. He is an extremely passionate, artistic, and creative person and he lost his desire to do the things he loved. He reached his tipping point and decided it was finally time to move on.

Sometimes, making the decision to move on is the hardest part. Some people have no problem moving on in certain areas of their life, but many of us have trouble making the decision to take action. There are a ton of emotions that come into play. When you have put so much time and energy into something and it has become a part of our everyday life, we may feel anxious, depressed, sad, and angry. We may also experience feelings of fear, failure, and not feeling worthy.

The anxiety comes when you don’t have a plan. The depression comes when you think about what you had and think that you need to get back there. Sadness comes because you will now have to grieve the relationships and the life you had during that time. Anger comes when you start beating yourself up with the “what ifs” and the “why couldn’t I make this works”. Add all of these emotions to the fear of not knowing what is next, the feeling of failure, and the not feeling worthy…you have just graduated to the feeling of overwhelm. And this becomes the tipping point. We either stay in this state and it continues to get worse, or we decide it is time to move on.

Some of us have a belief that we are supposed to “suck it up buttercup because we HAVE to work and we may not like it, but too bad. You can’t get anywhere in life without working hard”. While I agree with only part of that (the working hard part), I don’t believe you have to suck it up. Sure, you need money to live and you need money to survive and God forbid, we need insurance coverage which often comes from your employer. But!!!! WE SHOULD NOT BE KILLING OURSELVES FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM…EVER!!!!! This is something that took me a very long time to learn, but I survived and am here to help YOU stop the madness.

I am here to tell you, first and foremost, YOU are the most important in this scenario of life. When your physical, emotional, and mental well being is being challenged every day and you start to fall into illness, poor decisions, and feelings of hopelessness and overwhelm, IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON. Yes, you will still feel the sadness, the anger, and even have to grieve what once was. If you are making a move to improve your health, then embrace that! Hang onto that! That is where you start. Remember, your health and well being is WAY more important than that job, that toxic relationship, or anything else that is causing you to feel this way. You can make a plan. Make a list of things you want to do. Make a list of where you want to be. Then start looking into what needs to happen for you to get there. When you are moving on from a job, then research companies you would like to work for. Or, look into ways you can start your own business doing something you love. This is your life. You are the writer of your story. You are the only one that can make your life happen the way you desire. You deserve to live your best life so take that step and move on. I am here and I believe in you!

September 15, 2019September 15, 2019

Slow Down!

When I woke up this morning, the sun was barely peeking up over the horizon. I am very fortunate that all I have to do is roll over in my bed and watch the day come alive. The air was crisp and cool from last night’s rain and the smell in the air was fresh and alive. As the sun got higher, the birds started chirping. Louder, more frequent and intense with their song. My thoughts did not immediately go to everything I needed to do today. My first thought was coffee! But seriously, my thoughts were also all about how wonderful this life is that I have and how grateful I am to make this time to wake up with the sun and the birds. And yes, still coffee!

I have been thinking a lot about the pace at which people live their lives. I have so many people in my world that are constantly on the move. Constantly on the go. Constantly “busy”. They have kids that need to be shuttled from here to there all the time. They have demanding jobs that have them running. They have demanding husbands who don’t really help, or rather, some don’t LET them help, maintain the daily requirements of living. There are so many things that can become more important than slowing down and actually living life. I know, because I was one of those. I wasn’t just “busy” and running constantly. I was in a true state of chaos. It was so much a part of me that I thought that what living was supposed to be.

I want to honestly share with you why my life was this spinning wheel of chaos. It actually took me years to actually see what was happening. It was a great example of “you don’t see it when you are in it”. You only start to see it when you are out of it. So, I can tell you I was filling my life with things so that I didn’t have to focus and deal with the truth. My reality. Some things were necessary and had to be a part of my life. But I allowed those things to take over. And then I added more things. This went on for years. Really, almost two decades. That’s a long time. And I was tired.

When I started to slow down and actually make time for me and work on everything I was avoiding, I found that I was not just running through my life, I was running away from and running to something all at the same time. I was stuck, running. It was like being in limbo, and my “busy” state of life was really just avoidance. A defense mechanism that kept me from having to stop and actually walk through my life instead of run.

For those that are experiencing life this way, I am here to tell you, YOU ARE NOT LIVING! Constantly running does not make you a superhero. It doesn’t let you be the real person that you are. It doesn’t allow you to live. It’s all a facade and it’s time to stop.

I challenge you today to take 30 minutes and just be. Take that 30 minutes and sit or walk and just observe everything around you. Smell the air, feel the wind. Watch the sun. Hear the birds. You don’t have to think. You don’t have to feel. You don’t have to fix. You don’t have to run. JUST BE! I promise, your world will not fall apart. It will all still be there waiting for you when you resurface.

I recommend that you do this every day. Pretty soon, it will become such a part of your day it will become your safety net. You will start to slow your pace. You will start to find the courage to deal with whatever it is that you are running from or to. Let it happen. Let yourself live! You deserve it and I believe in you!

June 10, 2019June 10, 2019

Finding the Middle

Are you comfortable being alone? Do you find solitude in your quiet time? OR…do you constantly have to be around people? Do you feel you need to constantly be moving?

No matter which end of this spectrum you are on, you need to find a happy medium. Taking time for you is just as important as spending quality time with the people you love. Having your quiet time to take care of yourself is equally as important. I know I tend to lean more on one side than the other, but I am working on that fine balance.

Over the past couple of years, I have found that I have busied up my days with work (people), working my businesses (lots of people), constant connections with leads and friends (people) and anything else that I could find to fill up my day. I thought this “busy” meant I was successful and heading down the path of my desired life. THEN, when I got overwhelmed and overworked, I would completely shut down for months at a time and only work my job (because I had to) and retreat inside myself every chance I had, while everything else fell to the wayside. I told myself that my retreat inside was just me taking care of me, when really, it was just my depression taking hold and sucking me in. It didn’t just last a day or two. I would spend that time telling myself I need to be making connections. I need to be logging in more for work (and I was already working WAY more than I should, another filler for my avoidance). I need to be looking for new leads. I need to start my book. I need to get my life coaching practice up and running. I should be working out. I should be eating better. I spent all of my energy on spinning on what I should be doing, not doing any of it, and creating anxiety for myself. I wasn’t working out or eating healthy anymore because I was “too busy” and then I was too depressed. Between the depression and the anxiety, I felt doomed.

I know that what was really happening was avoidance and fear. I was filling my spare time with “busy” work so that I didn’t have to face what was surfacing within me. I was avoiding rejection and fear of failure in my businesses. When the crash happened, I couldn’t stop thinking about the “what-ifs” of failure, when really, the only failure I was experiencing was giving up. My self-doubt and diminishing confidence level were taking over, fueling negative self-talk and negative self-image. I was overwhelmed and I was stuck. I needed to fix it…NOW! I was retreating deeper into myself and I needed help to climb back out.

At this point, I decided I needed to take a step back and really do some work on me. I worked with my coach and together we were able to identify blocks from my past that I never really knew existed. I had done so much work in the past that I thought I was ahead of the curve, but I know now, that was just the tip of the iceberg. I am slowly gaining my confidence and pushing forward, doing the work and having success throughout it all. I have officially started my practice and also started writing my book. I have also rejuvenated my other business of helping others earn residual income. My progress is slow, but it is steady and I am starting to find balance with it all.

There is a HUGE difference between quiet time and space while working on YOU (exercise, treating yourself to something fun, trips, etc.) and the darkness of depression. There is also a HUGE difference between filling your days to stay busy with filler and actually having productive moments where you are working at top efficiency and creating time for self care.

When we find ourselves running crazy, staying “busy”, we are not working at our optimal best self. It appears that we are rocking it out and killing it, but what is really happening is avoidance and procrastination. Taking a step back and looking at the big picture is key to pinpoint what is being avoided and then working through that issue will allow you to actually work in efficiency instead of chaos. Are you double booking yourself, doing out of the norm favors for others, and just simply consuming every spare moment you have doing things that have no affect on your personal growth? If so, you need to start cutting things out of your “busy” schedule and replace them with self care activities, and yes, some down time. Saying no thank you needs to be your favorite phrase, and mean it, without guilt.

If you find yourself crawling inside and avoiding people while negative self talk and images start to rise, you need to evaluate what is causing these feelings. While it is healthy to have some quiet down time, it is not healthy to become a recluse retreating from the world, especially if you suffer from depression. If this is where you are at, find one thing to do to move you forward. One task that can make you feel good, even if it’s for a minute or two. Spend a few hours with someone you love and catch up. Keep building on those tasks and talking to your loved ones. You should also read my blog post Victim vs Survivor where I list out some tools you can use to help you along the way.

Finding the happy medium can be difficult at times so be patient with yourself. Do the work to get back into balance. I am cheering for you!

May 12, 2019May 12, 2019

Create Your Life

Did you know that you are an artist? We are all artists. I am not talking about the kind of art that you use a literal medium to generate (paint, metal, fabric, canvas, etc.). I am talking about your imagination. I am talking about your desires and dreams. I am talking about YOU creating YOUR life the way that you want it to be.

As I sit on my back deck, looking at the blue sky and all of the green popping up around me, I reflect on the simple beauty of the world. I yearn for peace and solitude. I yearn for happiness and joy. I not only want this in my life, but I want it for everyone! I am truly blessed that I have all of those things in my life now. But, it wasn’t always that way for me. Many years ago, I struggled with where I was headed and what I wanted my life to look like. I was coasting, staying stagnate. I would constantly try and reinvent myself when things got tedious, but never really landing on any one thing. I didn’t understand that I could CHOOSE where I was headed and what I wanted my life to look like, or even how I would go about getting there. And…I was afraid. But then something happened…

I had an awakening through tons of self discovery. I had to let go of the fear of what I would find buried deep down inside. I had to learn all about the blank canvas we call life and how to add what I wanted to that canvas to create the beautiful piece of art that is now the life I have. I have also learned that I can change or even re-create that piece of art if I want to change direction and I would be just fine. It’s my art. It’s my life. It’s my choice.

I now find life inspiring and beautiful. I pick little pieces from each day and add it to my piece of art, my canvas. Some days it is harder than others and on those days, my art tends to wander to the darker side, but I don’t let it stay dark. I always look for the brightness, the color, and the beauty. We have this inside all of us. I work on my art every day and I am encouraging you to do the same. I am, and will always be a work in progress. I am o.k. with that because I know I have the creativity and the drive to be everything I want to be.

So now I ask you…are you ready to take that blank canvas and create something beautiful? I know you can! Get out that virtual (or actual) pencil, notebook, canvas, paint, pens, marker, or whatever you want to use to start your beautiful piece of art. Dig deep down inside. Tap into that imagination and endless stream of possibility. Bring it all to the surface and join me in creating the peace, solitude, happiness, and joy we all deserve and can create for ourselves!

January 22, 2019February 10, 2019

Welcome!

I am so excited to finally be able to share with all of you! Writing has always been a passion of mine. Helping people another one. I have discovered that blogging is the best way for me to tap into both passions at the same time. I believe that everyone deserves to live their best life and I want to use this blog to inspire and encourage you to do just that. Enjoy and please share with EVERYONE!