Category: Inspiration/Coaching

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Shift Your Mindset and Let Go of Beliefs

Are you struggling with something in your life that is holding you back from moving forward? Do you want to change something about your life but just don’t know how? 

Check your thoughts. 

Are you stuck in a loop of negative self-talk and beliefs that no longer serve you? Do you have big dreams but “something,” tells you that you can’t ever achieve them because you aren’t worthy, you don’t have the experience, you don’t have the money…etc.?

How’s your mindset?

Mindset plays into everything we do or want to do in life. Here is why…Every ACTION is because of a FEELING and every FEELING is because of a THOUGHT you are thinking.

Let me repeat that. Every ACTION is because of a FEELING and every FEELING is because of a THOUGHT you are thinking.

It’s important to watch our thoughts because they:

  • Can send us down a rabbit hole
  • Can send us into the darkest realm of our mind
  • Can cause us anxiety
  • Can cause us to respond to things in a not so nice manner

What we put out to the universe, we get back because THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS! That’s right, manifestation right here. Negative attracts negative, positive attracts positive. Don’t believe me? Reflect on a “bad day”. It all starts when you miss your alarm and it all spirals from there. Chances are you, you are thinking “OMG! Can this day be over already? I just can’t win?” And more bad things keep happening. Now, reflect on a day when your mind was vibrating in a positive light and something goes wrong. You probably shrugged it off and said “It’s ok, I will get through it. It’s just something that happens” and you move on. This time, there is no bad stuff happening because you stopped it in its tracks. I originally discussed this specific example in a prior post Having A Bad Day?

So, what can you do to shift your mindset? First, it starts with awareness. Without awareness of what is, it is next to impossible to identify where the change needs to happen.

Finding awareness includes looking at your beliefs. A belief is an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists. It can also be referred to as an agreement. Something that was presented to you and you agreed to it or accepted it. 

Your subconscious is fueled by your beliefs. Your subconscious mind actually creates your reality. Remember, thoughts become things. This has been proven with Quantum Physics. If you have a negative belief about something, then that negative belief will manifest through your subconscious and become your reality.

So how do we go about impregnating our subconscious with the thoughts and images that you WANT because THAT is what will show up in the physical reality of what is called YOUR LIFE? 

Your subconscious mind is READY to receive when your conscious mind is not active. So right before you wake up or right before you fall asleep, that’s when you want to upload or install into your subconscious mind. Our subconscious just records what we put in and then plays back out into our life. So anything you DON’T want that may have been recorded, say when you were a child, is just in there playing back on a loop and hasn’t been taken out and replaced with a new belief.

The next step in shifting your mindset is recognizing your achievements. List out ALL of your achievements, yes, even those little wins because no matter how little, they still brought you that feeling of WINNING!

Next comes gratitude. Having a daily gratitude practice is probably the most important contributor to changing your mindset. Gratitude does not have to just be about the big things in your life. Actually, you should recognize all of the little things throughout your day because it keeps you in heightened awareness and resonating at a higher level within the Universe, which helps fuel the Law of Attraction. (Are you seeing a theme here?)

Now it’s time to talk about affirmations and mantras. I am going to tell you a secret…these only work if you BELIEVE them. Just saying them with zero emotion or feeling attached to them and “going through the motions” is an absolute waste of time. You may as well not even bother. BUT…if you are seeking a FEELING and can tie an affirmation or mantra to it…THAT is gold and when the magic starts to happen and the beliefs that no longer serve you will be replaced.

Finally, changing your mindset will not happen overnight. It takes consistency and practice every single moment of the day. It takes work but the result is so worth it!

I challenge you to sit down and examine your thoughts and beliefs. Make a list of those that no longer serve you and start the process of letting them go. It takes courage to look within ourselves and make a decision to change. Just remember, if you want something, you have to work for it and this is no different. I believe in you.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. If you would like to dig deeper, click here to schedule a free 30-minute breakthrough call with me and let’s get started.

Not ready to take the plunge but want to be inspired, click here to join my free Facebook group Women Taking Action for Change.

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Resolutions, Intentions, and Goals

Well, here we are fresh into the new year and new DECADE! I waited to write about his topic until we were closer to the end of the, what I call, “honeymoon period” that encompasses the “out with the old, in with the new” mindset that we all have when we turn over a new year. What’s unique about this one, is that it’s also a new DECADE. That means 10 New YEARS, and depending on how young you are, you have already made it through a few decades. For me, it has been 4, now in my 5th! WOW!!! That’s a lot! And boy, have I come a LONG way in my life!

I have never been one for “resolutions”. They rank up there with “diets” and I believe setting you up right away for failure because of the stigma just around the words themselves. Generally, people make resolutions like “I am going to lose 50 lbs”, or “I am going to eat healthily”, or “I am going to work out every day”. And then, January 1 hits, and you are off and running, pushing yourself toward the idea of what you think you want and then by mid-February, give up because you are so overwhelmed with the sudden changes that you don’t believe you will ever make it. This same process occurs when we try to make other lifestyle changes and pool them into the “resolutions” category. 

So now, let’s look at the definition of “resolution”. It means “a firm decision to do or not to do something”. That’s it. When we make resolutions, we have every intention of doing whatever it is, but we don’t have a plan. We don’t usually have systems set up to help us succeed so, we quit and inevitably, fail. There is also an “all or nothing” attachment to whatever that something is.

Intention, on the other hand, is “a thing intended; an aim or plan” and a goal is “the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result” and goal setting “involves the development of an action plan designed to motivate and guide a person or group toward a goal”. Intention and goal setting go hand in hand. It is the expansion of a resolution because we actually can take action by even implementing small steps that are mapped out in a plan. And because the plan involves steps, you need to be specific.

So, instead of making a resolution of “I am going to lose weight”, make an intention of “I am going to lose 20 pounds this year and I am going to get there by taking these steps….” and actually WRITE out your plan, break it down into daily manageable steps. As you accomplish each step, you check it off the list and receive instant gratification and a feeling of accomplishment. Then you do the same thing the next day.

Now, take it one step further. Think about how you want to FEEL if you accomplish this goal. THAT is the true magic behind the success. We aren’t seeking the outcome, we are seeking how we want to FEEL about the outcome. How do you feel when you are 20 pounds lighter? Do you feel healthier, happier, more comfortable in your body? Do you feel sexy and confident? That is what you are really after!

Lastly, if you fall down, and you will, brush yourself off and try again. There is no “all or nothing” when you are working toward a goal. When you fall, reflect on what happened to make you fall. What can you do differently the next time? This is all part of the journey. And this is where you will grow. You will be able to set intentions and make a plan to get you there. Notice I did not say “fail”. To fail means to “be unsuccessful in achieving one’s goal”. If you are constantly working, falling, getting back up, and starting again, this is not failing in my eyes. As long as you don’t give up, you won’t fail.

I challenge you to sit down and look at the things in your life you want to achieve. Weightloss, conquering your debt, or any behavior you would like to change. Pick the top 5-10 things on that list and decide how you are going to get there. Map out your plan, set your intentions, and start! Taking it one step at a time means progress so don’t try and overwhelm yourself trying to do it all at once.

You’ve got this! I believe in you!

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Surviving the Holidays

Well, here we are at this wonderfully joyous time of year again! Some of you are so excited while others are dreading this time of year because of all of the stress and emotion surrounding the days that should be spent in joy and celebration. You are also going to see tons of tips and tricks on how to navigate through this time of year. I am also going to do the same and share some things that I am doing and how I have managed through the years. I am writing this blog from my heart to yours in hopes that I can bring you some awareness as to what is happening with you and provide you some tools that may help change the way you feel about this time of year.

Scenario 1: You have SO much shopping to do. So many people to buy for and you aren’t sure if you can afford presents. Should I rack up my credit card? Should I only buy for certain people and risk hurting the feelings of others? Should I buy nothing and send cards instead? Should I buy nothing and explain why I am not exchanging gifts?

Holy moly you are putting a ton of undue stress on yourself! First of all, let’s remember what Christmas is really about. It’s not about buying presents for everyone. I am not a religious person, but this holiday IS based on the premise of little baby Jesus and how he came to be in the world. NOWHERE in that story did anyone have to hit the local Walmart and purchase a gift! Yes, it’s the season of giving, but it doesn’t have to be a purchased gift that sends you over your max on the credit cards. It’s time to come together and enjoy the family and friends we have in our lives. Sharing food, sharing stories, playing games, or whatever that time spent looks like for you.

I can honestly say, that I have COMPLETELY removed this “gift-buying stress” from my world, and it doesn’t involve buying presents for anyone. My husband and I spend Christmas Eve with my family. We all start to congregate in the late afternoon, which is when eating, drinking and being merry officially starts. My aunt’s, uncles, cousins, and second cousins all start to file in. We have contributed to the food by bringing whatever snack or beverage we felt like sharing that year (our gift). Once the eating starts to die down, a group of us go off and start the game playing while my Aunt, Uncle, and their kids/grandkids enjoy their “family” Christmas Eve gift exchange. After the kids have opened all of their gifts, they excitedly run over to the game group and share their treasures while the adults join in the fun. That’s it! NO STRESS, NO OBLIGATIONS, and NO GUILT.

We then spend Christmas Day with my husband’s parents. My mother-in-law is one of those that INSISTS that she has to buy presents. I had to stop buying for them years ago because I honestly had run out of ideas for them both. I have also told her on numerous occasions that presents do nothing for me, although I am extremely appreciative of the effort that she puts into them to select just the right gift, it means more to me to spend time together rather than opening gifts. When we arrive, the eating and drinking starts, and my husband and I tag-team cooking and cleaning. We then head into the living room to receive our presents, give thanks, take pictures, and then head back to the kitchen for any last-minute cleaning (our gift) and out the door we go. Again, NO STRESS, NO OBLIGATIONS, and NO GUILT.

The best part…we did not go into debt for gifts that seem important at the time, but really are just a part of the holiday craziness.

Now, I know many of you are thinking, “I can’t NOT bring gifts! That is just not me!” I get it, and if this is truly what you want to do, do something that will not send your finances into a tailspin for just one day. Make your gifts. You can create personalized cards, notes, ornaments, cookies, etc. I am not a craft person nor am I a baker, but my husband loves to cook so we bring snacks or the main meal. Dedicate your time to doing something nice for that person. Donate a small denomination to a charity in that person’s name. There are so many other ways to give and not go into debt.

Scenario 2: You have lost someone you love and the holidays only make you feel sadness because you haven’t finished grieving and now, it feels like you have started the grief process over again. First of all, grief is personal and nobody has the right to tell you how long or even how you should grieve. The trick is to be able to go on with life in the throes of grief, and that includes the holidays.

This is a time where you should practice patience and kindness with yourself. Depending on how fresh the loss is, you may feel many different emotions about what you want to and don’t want to do but don’t quite know how to move through it. That’s ok! My suggestion is to feel the emotions. Let them happen, but don’t get stuck there.

Think of ways that you can honor the passed loved one. Maybe start a new tradition doing something that they loved. Make a special ornament for that person. Write that person a letter. Donate to a charity in their name. Gather others who have suffered the loss and spend time telling heartfelt stories and sharing memories about the person who has passed. There are so many ways to honor someone who has passed and it’s important to be aware of your emotions and honor them too.

Scenario 3: The thought of spending time with the family sends you into a state of anxiety that builds more and more the closer the event gets. You are questioned about your current life stage. You are questioned about your future. You are questioned about the choices you have made in the past. You know that the questions come from a place of love, but hit you like a barrage of pellets being shot from a gun. Each hit going deeper and deeper into you. You react in a way that is so far outside of who you are because you are blind with rage. You lash out or, you completely close off. Both are responses to protection.

Fortunately, you don’t have to succumb to yet another disparaging experience. There are some things you can do to plan ahead and help you control your response without it escalating to heated reactions and hurt feelings.

The first thing is to journal out all of the conversations that you anticipate having BEFORE the event. I guarantee this is not the first time you have had to deal with the same old same old so those conversations are inside you. Use past conversations and journal a different response around them. Think of how you want to handle the situation in a positive way. When the bullets start to fly, how will you handle it? This exercise will help you remove the emotion out of the conversation to some degree because you will already know how you are going to respond. 

Second, set some boundaries. Be clear of your intentions. If a conversation starts to head off into a realm that makes you uncomfortable and you start to feel your escalation rise, remove yourself from the conversation. Politely say, “I don’t like where this conversation is headed so I am going to step away from it”. This will send a hard message to the person in violation of your boundary and give you control over how you respond without leaving feeling beat up and persecuted. Remember, you can’t control situations but you CAN control how you react to them.

Scenario 4: You have been invited to SO MANY events and everyone wants you to join in the festivities but looking at your calendar, you just have no idea how you are going to make it happen and the worst part, you have already said yes to too many things. Yikes! Now, the feelings of overwhelm followed by guilt are starting to set in.

Ok, ladies, I know we are the MOST guilty at allowing this to happen. First of all…IT’S OK TO SAY NO! We are not put on this earth to bounce from one place to another causing ourselves to feel numb and exhausted in the process. When this happens, are you REALLY showing up 100% or are you just half present, already mentally moving on to the next event? STOP IT!

Some advice: when the invites start to come in, prioritize based your availability, not by cramming the invite in. If you have several girlfriends that want you to attend various events, consolidate! Plan a “girlfriends” celebration, inviting them all together to celebrate with you. You can host a brunch or go out to a nice restaurant. Maybe you can make this a tradition and rotate around the group each year to allow each person to host and plan. This way, you get to spend time with all of them at the same time.

As for family…I know this can be a bit tricky because each family member thinks that what they are planning is more important than the others and you SHOULD be spending time with them and it HAS to happen on the ACTUAL HOLIDAY or else it doesn’t count. This gets even harrier when you are married because you have even more family to juggle. BLAH!!! Honestly, this one is a hot button for me because I feel it is a bunch of BS! LITERALLY!

As a child in a divorced household, I had to learn early about pacing and pleasing. Pacing myself because I always had to have TWO big meals on each holiday bouncing from one house to the other and I had to do it without complaining. As I got older, I started to put my foot down! I thought it was so ridiculous to put so much pressure around the holiday and on the children! When I married my first husband and was raising my step-son, I wanted nothing more than to create our own traditions as a family, but like my own childhood, this was dictated entirely on the grandparents’ choosing, trying to please them rather than focusing on my need and my immediate family.

So, parents, I give you permission to tell your families NO! You are not bouncing from house to house so that THEY can see the grandkids on the ACTUAL holiday. Tell them that they are welcome to come to you and spend time in YOUR home with YOUR children experiencing YOUR traditions. Host a family gathering, or, set a boundary that Christmas Eve is just for your little family and the others can join the next day. Whatever that looks like for you. Use the time around the holidays and have several celebrations. Maybe use the weekend before for one side of the family and the weekend after for the other. I warn you though, there will be those that will feel hurt and take it personally. They may even lash out and throw so much guilt your way you feel like you are drowning. This is not your problem to fix. Stick to your guns! They will come around. Believe me, your kids will value the memories you are creating for them (without succumbing to the stress) more so than the memories of bouncing from house to house, only half showing up.

I know that there are so many other issues surrounding this time of year, but I chose these 4 scenarios because they are the most common I hear about this time of year. Do yourself a favor and stop the madness. Allow yourself to enjoy this time of year without stress, guilt, and overwhelming feelings that are ever so present. When you look back, do you remember the good times you had celebrating with friends and family or do you only remember the dread and the stress? Depending on how you answer that question, you may need to check yourself. If you need someone to help you figure it all out, I am here! Remember, YOU are in charge of creating your life. You are in charge of how you react. I know you can do it, it may take practice, but I believe in you!

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Moving On

This is a short reminder about moving on. There are times in each of our lives that we have to decide to move on. We have given everything we have to a job, a relationship, a project, or whatever we invest so much of ourselves into. What is the tipping point that brought you to realize that enough is enough?

I have recently hit my own tipping point with a job at a company I loved, but I could not give anymore. So much so that it was eating away at my spirit because I was spending more time working than I was spending on me and my dreams. I felt stuck which caused me to start spiraling into depression and anxiety. I was physically ill and had trouble finding my way through the day. I finally made the decision that I had to move on.

My husband also had a recent experience with his job. He has worked really hard to get to where he was in his position. He started at the very bottom and worked his way into management within 2 years. And in the next 3 years, proceded to become the top supervisor in his company running the biggest job site with the largest team. He is very proud of his accomplishments and I am over the moon proud of him. But the stress was taking its toll on his emotional, physical, and spiritual health. He is an extremely passionate, artistic, and creative person and he lost his desire to do the things he loved. He reached his tipping point and decided it was finally time to move on.

Sometimes, making the decision to move on is the hardest part. Some people have no problem moving on in certain areas of their life, but many of us have trouble making the decision to take action. There are a ton of emotions that come into play. When you have put so much time and energy into something and it has become a part of our everyday life, we may feel anxious, depressed, sad, and angry. We may also experience feelings of fear, failure, and not feeling worthy.

The anxiety comes when you don’t have a plan. The depression comes when you think about what you had and think that you need to get back there. Sadness comes because you will now have to grieve the relationships and the life you had during that time. Anger comes when you start beating yourself up with the “what ifs” and the “why couldn’t I make this works”. Add all of these emotions to the fear of not knowing what is next, the feeling of failure, and the not feeling worthy…you have just graduated to the feeling of overwhelm. And this becomes the tipping point. We either stay in this state and it continues to get worse, or we decide it is time to move on.

Some of us have a belief that we are supposed to “suck it up buttercup because we HAVE to work and we may not like it, but too bad. You can’t get anywhere in life without working hard”. While I agree with only part of that (the working hard part), I don’t believe you have to suck it up. Sure, you need money to live and you need money to survive and God forbid, we need insurance coverage which often comes from your employer. But!!!! WE SHOULD NOT BE KILLING OURSELVES FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM…EVER!!!!! This is something that took me a very long time to learn, but I survived and am here to help YOU stop the madness.

I am here to tell you, first and foremost, YOU are the most important in this scenario of life. When your physical, emotional, and mental well being is being challenged every day and you start to fall into illness, poor decisions, and feelings of hopelessness and overwhelm, IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON. Yes, you will still feel the sadness, the anger, and even have to grieve what once was. If you are making a move to improve your health, then embrace that! Hang onto that! That is where you start. Remember, your health and well being is WAY more important than that job, that toxic relationship, or anything else that is causing you to feel this way. You can make a plan. Make a list of things you want to do. Make a list of where you want to be. Then start looking into what needs to happen for you to get there. When you are moving on from a job, then research companies you would like to work for. Or, look into ways you can start your own business doing something you love. This is your life. You are the writer of your story. You are the only one that can make your life happen the way you desire. You deserve to live your best life so take that step and move on. I am here and I believe in you!

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Intentional Living

I have always thought that I was living an intentional life. That was until recently. My “intentional life” was taken to a whole new level. I have spent the better part of my adult life on a “self-improvement” journey always striving to be the best version of myself. Of course, life happened all over the place and I would fall back into the not so best version of myself, but I always found my way out of it and back to what I thought WAS the best version of me. Boy, was I wrong. Sure, the best version of me then was always way better than the not so best version of me but I was never quite all the way there. What changed for me?

First of all, I had to reevaluate what it meant to actually live an intentional life. Obviously, what I thought was intentional, was only part of what I needed to do. I found that I was half-assing it at 100%. But hey, some is better than none right? Sure it is, but I soon discovered that is why I always slipped when life happened and that was the time I needed intention most. So, here is what Wikipedia says that intentional living is:
Intentional living: any lifestyle based on an individual or group’s conscious attempts to live according to their values and beliefs. These can include lifestyles based on Religious, Political or Ethical values, as well as Coaching, Personal Transformation, and Leadership Training.

I was only half living according to my values and beliefs. I was only half present in my life journey. Half of my life when “life happened”, was being dictated by how I was reacting to experiences and events while the other half when things were great, was intentional. So how in the world could I make that shift from a reactionary life to an intentional life? I got to work.

In December of 2018, I connected with a life coach and spiritual healer. I firmly believe that the Universe intervened and brought her to me because I was in dire need of some serious guidance. I was at a crossroads. This woman is an amazing person that helped me to figure you what I needed to get rid of so that I could FINALLY live the life that I was meant for. I always knew I was meant for something greater and it revolved around helping people, like me, create their desired life. She helped me to get out of my own way so that I could push through and take ACTION. This woman has become someone very special in my life. She is my guide, my spirit sister, my mentor, my friend and I am eternally grateful for her. What did she do to help me change?

Well, among several things, she re-introduced me to gratitude. I have been saying a gratitude mantra every morning for the past 10 years along with some affirmations but they were all for the big things in life. I was tasked with texting her every single day during my coaching journey one gratitude for that day. A little thing that I could be grateful for. This one thing turned into SEVERAL things throughout the day and I started to notice a shift. My mood changed. I started to become aware of what I was feeling in my body when I would practice saying what I was grateful for. My interactions with those around me changed. What in the world was happening? I had no idea, but I knew I wanted more. I didn’t want it to ever stop. It was strange at first. Almost like a stirring of warm butterflies fluttering in my abdominal area. Then it would move up my body, out to my limbs, and into my heart. I was experiencing, what I now know, as true joy.

I started to feel courage and driven again. I decided to leave my job and look for one that would allow me the time, my time, to work toward what I really wanted to do in this life. In January 2019, I started blogging. In April 2019, I found a new job. In May 2019, I started my Lifestyle and Success Coaching practice. In October 2019, I shifted again to an even deeper intentional life and started certification training so that I could expand my practice and have more tools for my clients.

I also intensified my gratitude practice. On October 1, I joined a challenge led by the best selling author, coach, and motivational speaker Rachel Hollis. It is the Last 90 Days challenge. I was encouraged by someone very close to my heart to participate in this challenge because she knew I loved Rachel Hollis and she had done the challenge before and had gotten so much out of it. So, I committed. I even bought the journal to go along with it. The premise behind the challenge is to gear up for the beginning of the year by being intentional with your goals for the 90 days PRIOR to the end of the year so that when January 1 hits, you are full boar running strong. This is great for me because I normally wait until January 1 before THINKING about what I want my life to look like in the coming year and then I have to spend forever planning on how it will work and then I lose steam and fall right back to where I was…and then have to start over. Again, half-assing it at 100%. This challenge covers everything. Mindset with gratitude, moving your body, drinking water, making healthier food choices, and making time for YOU!  Again, ALL of the things I am so into!

A couple of weeks later, I picked up the book The Magic by Rhonda Byrne. You may know her from a little ol’ book she wrote some years ago called The Secret, which also became a full feature film (if you haven’t read or seen it, I highly recommend you do so ASAP). Well, The Magic is ALL about…GRATITUDE. 28 days of one gratitude exercise every day to strengthen your practice. Holy hands, I hit the jackpot and it was a great compliment to what I was already doing with the Last 90 Days Challenge. Every morning, I got up and I read that day’s exercise. And then I actually DID what it said to do. Talk about things changing. I was on hyperspeed. The shifts I mentioned before, well, let’s just say I am in a constant state of joy now. If I feel myself starting to slip into any type of low energy, negative thinking, or anxiety, I immediately revert back to what I learned in The Magic and I do one or two exercises until my energy level and my thoughts go back to being positive. Guys, this is the real stuff right here. If you REALLY want to change your life, this is it.

Where am I now? I am thrilled with my life! I am actually LIVING my life on MY terms instead of reacting to everything. I have even turned off ALL push notifications for my social media accounts and scheduled two 30 minute sessions on my calendar for checking my social media. Once in the mid-morning and once in the evening. I answer emails and check text messages once per hour so that I don’t get caught up in filling my day with busy work. The best part for me is my morning routine. It sets me up for success every single day. Here is what it looks like:

5:00-5:15 am-Wake Up and take a few moments before getting out of bed to say a few gratitudes.

5:15-6:15 am Grab my journal and start writing (I am currently using the Start Today Journal-The Last 90 Days and also writing my 10 gratitudes inspired by The Magic)

6:15-7:15 am Get things ready for work, fit in a 30 min workout, and shower and head out the door for work between 8 and 8:15 am

Notice I did not put anything in my morning routine about a phone, tablet, checking email, or any other distraction from ME. I don’t look at my phone (except for using my timer when I work out or to look at a text message from my hubby to tell me the road conditions when the weather is bad) until I get to work. I may or may not use my 30 minutes of allotted social media time. It’s not a big deal anymore. It is not dictating MY life. When you look at your email, social media, or news first thing in the morning, you are starting your day in reaction mode. You are allowing other outside influences to dictate your day. Stop doing that! YOU have control of your day and your life, so take it back!

You have been given one life. Now is the time to figure out if you are living your best life. Are you living your life on your terms or are you letting everything that goes dictate what kind of life you have or desire? Don’t wait on this. Don’t say “I’ll start tomorrow” because there may not be a tomorrow. Start living intentionally NOW and if you need guidance, I am here. I believe in you! I believe you can create your desired life and I believe you should start now.

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Surviving the Pain

We as humans seem to intentionally or unintentionally hurt each other all the time. I am not strictly talking about physical pain, but emotional pain as well. The way we speak to each other, the way we treat each other, and the way we ignore and neglect each other are ways we inflict this pain. Unfortunately, this pain is part of life. Everyone experiences pain. It’s inevitable. Along with pain, generally, comes suffering. Suffer, the root of suffering is defined by Miriam Webster as:

  • to submit to or be forced to endure
  • to feel keenly
  • labor under
  • undergo, experience
  • to put up with especially as inevitable or unavoidable
  • to allow especially by reason of indifference

Here’s something you may not know…pain is part of life. Pain comes from events or experiences that may not be in our control. Pain is inevitable. Suffering, on the other hand, is a choice. Yes, I said it. Suffering is a CHOICE!

I know some of you may be hating on me right now and ready to throw whatever you are reading this on across the room, but hold on. Let’s talk about someone you love who passes away. That is something COMPLETELY out of your control. And along with that, comes great pain. That is part of the process, a part of life. Now, it has been months down the road and you are wallowing in your self-pity and you start to experience anxiety and depression. You start to lash out at your loved ones. You just can’t seem to get past the pain.  You are consumed all the time by memories, which keep triggering this roller coaster of emotion. THAT is suffering. You are choosing to hold onto that pain. You are maybe doing it to satisfy a need. A need to feel connected, to feel loved, to feel important. Can you see how this works?

I am not saying you shouldn’t grieve or feel the pain. In fact, I think you should very much sit with the pain and let it flow through you. Find an outlet like a journal, a therapist, a coach, or a good friend to help you through the pain so that you can release it. You are not a martyr by holding onto it and please do not use it to manipulate others to get what you need. I am not, for one minute, suggesting that you let go of the memories. What you need to let go of is the suffering that you are creating around those memories. You should really take a look at how you are reacting when those memories surface. Memories are blessings. They are gifts and should not be associated with suffering. Cry it out! Yell it out! Do whatever action that helps you to move past it. Don’t crawl into it. Don’t let it consume you. If you are at this point, you need help to work past it so do yourself a favor and reach out! Suffering does not have to be a part of the grief!

Now, let’s look at the rest of your life. If you are choosing to suffer, you are not living. How are your interactions with your kids and your spouse? How is your interaction with the people you work with? Are you showing up every day? Are you out in the world, contributing and making a difference? If not, you are missing out. You are not living. So ask yourself, what do I need to do to get my life back and get out of the suffering and into the living? You are worth so much more than suffering in the pain. The pain will start to ease, so start today to take that step and move into the living. I am here to help and I believe in you!

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Manifesting Your Desires

Have you ever wanted something so badly, but could never make it a reality? Have you wanted to improve your quality of life but can’t seem to get there? Do you give up on yourself because you seem to try and try, but can’t get it done? You are not alone. Many people struggle every day with creating the life they desire. And then there are those who are “lucky” and seem to be able to achieve everything they go after. What the heck is the big secret?

Well, there are a few things going on for these “lucky” folk. First and foremost, it is desire. The desire is so great, that they don’t let anything or anyone get in the way of what they want. Second, these people can envision already having whatever it is they desire. Once they make the decision, they immediately switch to the mindset of “I am” or “I have”. Lastly, they come from a place of “abundance” or already having everything they need.

So let’s talk desire for a moment. How BAD do want whatever it is? Does it consume your thoughts? Are your loved ones tired of hearing you talk about it? Are you daydreaming about how you feel, as though you already have it? My guess is, no. Or else you would have it! But did you catch that? Did you catch the key to the desire? If not, that’s ok. Ima tell ya!

It’s FEELING!  That’s right, there are certain feelings that go hand in hand with our desires. When you think about something you want, how are you feeling about it? Are you thinking “there is no way I can have it so I may as well give up”? If so, how does that resonate within your body? Tension, stress, sadness, anger? Or do you think “I am so frickin’ excited that I have this and am going somewhere”? How do you feel now? Happiness, joy, excitement?

Our subconscious already knows that it can be a reality and as you may or may not know, those tapes from our past play over and over and our egos take over to decide what the outcome will be. You have to put that ego in check and let your subconscious go to work! Have you heard the term “thoughts become things”? This is the key to the next part. Visualizing that you already have whatever it is you desire. If you allow your ego to paint the picture, it will continually paint everything you DON’T want. This is a defense mechanism to keep you “safe” and protected from change and growth. When you let your subconscious take the lead, all of a sudden you are elated and daydreaming and feeling all of your desires coming to life. It is almost impossible to think of this in any other way other than the present tense. It has ALREADY HAPPENED because it has. You just need to open up and get ready to receive it. Now, when you think or talk about your desires, use the language “I am” and “I have”.

Now let’s talk about this thing called abundance. Coming from a place of lack is the demise to you not achieving everything you desire. When you are 100% focused on things you DON’T have, the less you WILL have. Again, it’s that Law of Attraction thing! Instead of the thought process “That costs too much money and I will never be able to afford that” or “I am always poor and will never have enough money”, turn it around. Create a different thought process around money. “I have everything I need and money flows to me freely” or “I am in abundance and only attracting more”. 

When we change our thoughts, we change everything about our state of being. Thoughts become things so if you are constantly in negative thought mode, only negative will come to you. My husband is very skilled as one of the “lucky” ones. When he makes a decision that he wants something, he immediately starts visualizing that he already has it. He starts making plans. He talks about it as if it is already in his possession. He doesn’t focus on how much it costs and how much more he needs to “save” or acquire to make it happen. It has already happened and he is in the mode of being fully open and receiving. Some of our friends and family are baffled by his “luck”, but as you can see, it’s not luck at all. It’s how we think about things.

I challenge you to give it a whirl. Sure, it takes practice. I practice every day, but it’s possible to make it happen. I would love to hear about your experiences so reach out and let me know how it’s going! And remember, I believe in you!

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Gratitude: A Powerful Appreciation

When we are very young, we are taught manners. We are taught to say please and thank you. As we get older, the thank you portion of what we were taught starts to take on stronger meaning and feelings around it. As adults, we often say “thank you. I appreciate it.” Again, a stronger message with stronger feelings behind it. An even stronger aspect of this fine manner is gratitude. What is gratitude exactly? According to Merriam-Webster, gratitude is the state of being grateful: THANKFULNESS.

In my world, gratitude is the ultimate in appreciation. It’s not just saying “thank you”. It is all about your energy and feeling around what you are grateful for. Gratitude can and should be expressed regularly for all things. People, places, things, etc. Gratitude affirmations are my favorite. “I am grateful for this life. I am grateful for this beautiful day. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for my coffee!”. The key is to FEEL grateful too. Don’t just say the words (although there is something to be said for “faking it until you make it”). The FEELING behind the words is where all the magic begins. The words alone trigger our brains to cease all thoughts and get present real quick. The FEELING is what is resonated out through God and the Universe. This causes you to be at the highest frequency for receiving.

Living in a state of gratitude also does something magnificent. It puts you in a present state of positivity resonating at your highest level. What in the world does that mean? Well, let’s break it down. A “present state of positivity” means now. Not the past, not the future. NOW. Why is that so magnificent? Because it is impossible for our brain to succumb to any other thoughts other than what we are currently showing gratitude for. Now, “resonating at your highest level” magnifies positive emotions. WHAT??? It’s really quite simple. It’s the Law of Attraction. The positive emotion that you are emitting through gratitude will attract more positive emotion to you. You get what you give. Are you looking for a path to happiness? This is it!

I always tell my clients that you can test this theory (and you WILL be tested). Let your ego run. Let your brain start thinking about the past, about the future. FEEL how your body feels. Are you experiencing anxiety and depression? Are you experiencing dread and fear? Now, turn it around. Find just one thing you are grateful for. Make sure that you are picking something that truly makes you feel joy. Do you love sunrises and sunsets? Go enjoy one and say out loud “I am so grateful for the beautiful sky and loving the calmness I feel.” Are you struggling with your job and having negative thoughts about it? “I am grateful for this job and the money I earn that provides the things I need.” This gratitude practice will immediately stop any negative self-talk or feelings you are experiencing and get you into the present right now! It will also feel good when you are saying them, and who doesn’t want to feel good?

Showing gratitude will also attract things to you that you desire. The key is to use the same “I am” format and attach how you would feel as if it has already happened. Here is my example: “I am grateful that I am a successful Life Coach helping hundreds of people create their desired life. I feel thrilled knowing that I am making a difference!”

So, I challenge you right now to find ten things you can be grateful for. Do this every day! Do this in the morning and do this at night before bed. Say them out loud. Write them down. Feel them every time you practice and watch how things unfold. If you have questions about any of this, please feel free to contact me! I would love to chat about how your gratitude practice is going.

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Slow Down!

When I woke up this morning, the sun was barely peeking up over the horizon. I am very fortunate that all I have to do is roll over in my bed and watch the day come alive. The air was crisp and cool from last night’s rain and the smell in the air was fresh and alive. As the sun got higher, the birds started chirping. Louder, more frequent and intense with their song. My thoughts did not immediately go to everything I needed to do today. My first thought was coffee! But seriously, my thoughts were also all about how wonderful this life is that I have and how grateful I am to make this time to wake up with the sun and the birds. And yes, still coffee!

I have been thinking a lot about the pace at which people live their lives. I have so many people in my world that are constantly on the move. Constantly on the go. Constantly “busy”. They have kids that need to be shuttled from here to there all the time. They have demanding jobs that have them running. They have demanding husbands who don’t really help, or rather, some don’t LET them help, maintain the daily requirements of living. There are so many things that can become more important than slowing down and actually living life. I know, because I was one of those. I wasn’t just “busy” and running constantly. I was in a true state of chaos. It was so much a part of me that I thought that what living was supposed to be.

I want to honestly share with you why my life was this spinning wheel of chaos. It actually took me years to actually see what was happening. It was a great example of “you don’t see it when you are in it”. You only start to see it when you are out of it. So, I can tell you I was filling my life with things so that I didn’t have to focus and deal with the truth. My reality. Some things were necessary and had to be a part of my life. But I allowed those things to take over. And then I added more things. This went on for years. Really, almost two decades. That’s a long time. And I was tired.

When I started to slow down and actually make time for me and work on everything I was avoiding, I found that I was not just running through my life, I was running away from and running to something all at the same time. I was stuck, running. It was like being in limbo, and my “busy” state of life was really just avoidance. A defense mechanism that kept me from having to stop and actually walk through my life instead of run.

For those that are experiencing life this way, I am here to tell you, YOU ARE NOT LIVING! Constantly running does not make you a superhero. It doesn’t let you be the real person that you are. It doesn’t allow you to live. It’s all a facade and it’s time to stop.

I challenge you today to take 30 minutes and just be. Take that 30 minutes and sit or walk and just observe everything around you. Smell the air, feel the wind. Watch the sun. Hear the birds. You don’t have to think. You don’t have to feel. You don’t have to fix. You don’t have to run. JUST BE! I promise, your world will not fall apart. It will all still be there waiting for you when you resurface.

I recommend that you do this every day. Pretty soon, it will become such a part of your day it will become your safety net. You will start to slow your pace. You will start to find the courage to deal with whatever it is that you are running from or to. Let it happen. Let yourself live! You deserve it and I believe in you!

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A Master Chef Lesson

I was struck so deeply last night by a realization while watching Master Chef Challenge Season 10. Hubby and I have been following it most of the season. We were rooting for a very young contestant, Micah, who was only 19 years old. From the very first episode when he received his apron from Chef Ramsey, he was so grateful and so humbled. Why? Because Chef Ramsey said he BELIEVED in him. This kid was competing on this show all alone. No family, no friends, and he gave up everything to be there. Fast forward to the Family Reunion episode. The contestants’ family members were invited to come and support their loved ones in the competition. Micah had no one. As they were introducing the various family members, the camera kept panning over to Micah, and the look on his face every time was just heartbreaking.

As the competition went on, you could see Micah’s confidence deteriorating. When it was time to present the dish, he was the last one chosen. The entire time you could see the deflated, defeated look on his face. I knew right then that he had given up. He stopped trying and succumbed to his lonely realization of not having anyone to support him. This sealed his fate.

When he was asked to remove his apron, he lost it. He told the judges how grateful he was for the journey and how much he had learned. He also said that he gained so much more from the experience because his whole family told him they did not support him. His mom told him he would fall flat on his face and she would not be there to pick him up. But the support from the judges and the other constants was heartfelt and appreciated. What an awful thing to say to your son! Then, Chef Ramsey did what he does when he wants to be amazing. He told Micah that after the show he would work with him and help him achieve any dreams he had. Micah thanked him and said it would be an honor. It was at that point, his face started to light back up.

Why do I feel compelled to talk about a TV show? There are a couple of notable things going on here. First and foremost, belief. Sometimes it is difficult to push through when it is just you and nobody else rooting for you to win. It makes it so much harder to stay focused and positive. Think about it as an adult and then rewind to your childhood. Imagine how devastating it would be to hear such awful things from your mother. The processing is very different and extremely damaging.

Two other notable things are going on here. Realizing and working toward a dream and not giving up. These two go hand in hand. Micah had a dream and he did everything he could to make it come true. He didn’t give up. Even when I thought he did, he came back around and realized he wasn’t in it alone. He had Chef Ramsey in his corner! He also had all of the viewers in his corner, rooting for him. Believing in him and his dream.

I have been in Micah’s shoes. Everything I did growing up and throughout most of my adult life, I looked for my mother’s support. Hell, I would have settled for ANY form of acknowledgment and encouragement, but I never once got it. The only thing I got from her was jealousy and hatred. If it wasn’t for my dad and the rest of my family and friends, my outcome would have been a lot different.

So, are you finding yourself alone in your corner when it comes to your dreams? Do you have the support you need from your loved ones? If not, I highly recommend you reach out to someone. Find a mentor, a coach, or just a loving, supportive ear to bounce your thoughts and experiences off of. We all need someone to help us celebrate our wins! And if you are having trouble finding someone, talk to me! I already believe in you so we are halfway there. You just have to raise your hand.

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