This is my second blog ever so I thought it was a good one to share with you. It has been many years since this was written, and I have come a long way, but by no means am I an expert yet. Self forgiveness is a process and one YOU can start to master all on your own. Healing is an important part of the journey and it always has to start with you.
Have you ever intentionally or unintentionally regretted doing or saying something and then continued to “beat yourself up” over and over again? I think it is fair to say that we are all guilty of this. I also know that this can cause great trauma to our spirits and emotions, causing the trauma to be so severe that it derails and even debilitates our lives. We re-live the action or conversation and continually try to find ways that we could have handled it better. This causes a negative thought process to begin and the spiral continues. Pretty soon we are so consumed by the negative thoughts that depression and/or illness start to set in and we try and find ways to deal with the depression and/or illness when we should try and find the root cause and start working on a little thing called “self forgiveness”.
I have been working daily on my own self forgiveness. There are situations and choices I have had to make in my life that have, for good or bad, affected other people in hurtful ways. I do not mean the hurtful ways were created from my anger or out of malice. I am, after all, human and we are all guilty of hurting out of anger or malice. As difficult as it is, the most painful hurts I have created were caused by choices I needed to make to better myself and stop my own hurt. There is a ton of guilt about being selfish and not caring that the choice may hurt someone else. Unfortunately, my upbringing instilled a lot of the unhealthy values and thought processes that I am trying to deprogram along with working on my self forgiveness. I never really had a childhood, constantly having to put my life aside to be the adult at a very early age. In that, I always put everyone else first, mothering, nurturing, teaching, and surviving for everyone else but me. Now, as an adult, I struggle every day with setting boundaries and saying no to protect myself from any further spiritual and emotional damage. Along with all that comes the guilt and in steps my attempts at self forgiveness. This is is how I manage to work on it every day:
Think about the choice to be made. Is it truly a choice that will better ME or am I truly making the choice out of anger or malice? Chances are, these kind of choices are being made because of a very unbalanced and unhealthy environment or situation. If you are programmed as a caretaker/enabler the way that I am, this is where the self hate and hurt begin.
What has led up to this choice? Has it been a path of unhealthy self destruction? If yes, then make a change-no matter who it will hurt, but try and do it as gracefully, FOR YOURSELF, as possible. At the end of the day, this is a necessary choice to save YOU!
When making the change, try and stay out of the negative. Find your positive and what good will come from the choice you are making-no matter how small. Once you find one positive, more will follow. We naturally want to be in a positive state of mind, we just get in our own way and allow the negatives to take over. You will see…the law of attraction will snow ball from everything you are thinking and the intentions you are putting out to the universe, so keep the positives coming!
Once you have started the positive thought process, you need to start the self forgiveness.
Acknowledge that you allowed yourself to stay in the situation that you are in-either from old programming, guilt, self destruction, self punishment, etc. Then, tell yourself that it IS OK. You had yet another lesson to learn from this life.
Now, acknowledge that you may hurt or anger people in the choice you are making. It is ok. You cannot protect everyone-you need to protect YOURSELF. If you are coming from a place of love and warmth while making the choice, or even if you come from anger, others are going to CHOOSE to react the way that they do and their reactions are not your responsibility. You cannot control the reactions from others.
Once you have acknowledged the situation that has caused you make this choice and acknowledged the hurt and anger it may cause others, start telling yourself “I forgive myself” and immediately start thinking of your positives and why you POSITIVELY are making the choice. I find this the most difficult. Someone very dear to me gave me forgiveness affirmations to do every day, which I do. However, the most difficult part is saying them while looking at myself in the mirror. This goes back to actually deprogramming all the pain and hurt and trying to believe that I am truly forgiven. I work on it every day.
Yes, all this seems like a lot of work and, in the beginning, it truly is. I am, however, finding it gets a bit easier every day if I use the tools and actually work the process. Again, the law of attraction and positive thinking along with the affirmations make it easier to get to the point of self forgiveness.
Try these affirmations first thing in the morning, saying them out loud (eventually looking in the mirror) and see how you feel as you say them. Really pay attention to how your body and feelings resonate with what you are saying. Take your time and FEEL.
“I forgive myself for judging my feelings.”
“I forgive myself for becoming upset and moving out of my center.”
“I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made, the mistakes I am making, and the mistakes I will make.”
“I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy.”
“I am a radiant being filled with light and love.”
Until next time, forgive and be kind to yourself!
